Broadcast on the behalf of the Equal Rights for Lemmings party
Created | Updated Nov 22, 2015
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Today in the world, many Lemmings suffer. They are persecuted by the evil disney myth , which states that all Lemmings ever do is...fall of cliffs.
Diagram 1: Stereotypical image of Lemming created by Disney
= Lemming
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___________Now this is very unfair. Millions of Lemmings are persecuted each year and the number of traumatised rabbits, who were mistaken as Lemmings and had potato pealings thrown at them, has tripled since 1998.
I myself went undercover disguised as both a Lemming, a rabbit and pork pie
3 and witnessed the terrible prejudice against these innocent creatures. Names like Cliffhanger, Bogbrush and Pigswill (The latter was shouted at the pork pie as he tried desperatly to escape, and failed. I still have the bruises 
)If you vote me in as President of H2G2 then I will abolish all cruelty directed at Lemmings, Pandas
, Sheep and the Mouse which secretly saved the world three times and recieved no recognition except by being eaten by the head of MI6's cat.I promise:
- A fair democratical system
- Thursdayites to beat the Th*ngites
- More
to be spent on education for Newbies 
- Free cake for Newbies ...
- And for users who have been on longer if they wish it
- More than to be spent on Pandas and Lemmings around the world
- For the Cacuracha mafia and their associate, the green bummed dog to be wiped out
- More booze
- Slightly less than to be spent on those crummy tv shows that nobody watches
- Lots of cash to be put into the "Buy a new coffee machine for the office campaign"
- Good weather
- Bad weather (for those in gloomy moods who like that sort of thing to calm them down)
- Average weather (for those who just can't decide)
- For pain to be prohibited
- Usage of made compulsory
- The list goes on and on...
- Are You getting bored yet?
So remember, when the time comes to vote forget all the rest and vote
We are the most fun, likeable and cool party of this year and is is us that should be getting your vote this autumn!!
p.s. The bribes
- Free toy Pandas and Lemmings for all voters!
- Booze
- Other stuff (we do requests
)
The h2g2 Presidential Election 2005 Archive
1Blood runs to the brain, causing vertigo...or something2Lemming suddenly realises where he/she is. Normal reactions take place3Who was incidently called Cedric
