h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I would urge your readers to be very careful. Santa Claus is a dangerous Communist guerilla. Lets look at the facts.

1. He wears a red suit. Red is the color of Communism. Why would he dress so outrageously? He has a cause to promote.
2. He has an espionage network that reports on billions of people.
3. He stages home invasions.
4. His base lies close to Russia and Canada.
5. Despite the nature of Christmas as a religious event, he gives no credit or recognition to the Christ child.
6. He attempts to usurp the role of the parents by speaking privately with children and promising them gifts.
7. He doesn't go through immigration or customs, breaking United States laws and defrauding the government of duty and taxes.
8. He wears a beard similar to that of Karl Max and Fidel Castro in their heyday.
and last,
9. It is essential to our capitalist society that firms who produce toys and games make profits, but he gives stuff away free!

George Bush