h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Update -Michael Jackson - Singer/Songwriter - A53808780
Author: Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups - U231227

This is an update for A537662

Well done, Opti. You've done great work in making this a suitable tribute to the man, so soon after his death.

I'm not going to search through this to see which bits you wrote and which are original. I'm going to review it as if it were all yours. So if I point out mistakes in something you didn't write, just go ahead and fix them. Since this is an update, there will be no sub-editor, so it is essential that there are no typos or grammar mistakes. I'm going to have to give you a long list of corrections, I'm afraid.

Spelling, grammar and punctuation:

into a celebrities life --> into a celebrity's life
at ones persons life --> at ones person's life
His father was a key influence on his life, having played the guitar -- change the comma to a semicolon
in 1969.The Jackson Five -- Put a space after the full stop.
mega stardom --> mega-stardom or megastardom (mega is not a word in this context, it is a prefix)
Presley -- remove the space before the
Debbie Rowe, the couple had two children -- change the comma to a semicolon
two children together Prince -- add a comma after together
More Media stories were generated -- small m on media
come into fruition --> come to fruition
is the daughter of Elvis -- add a full stop just before the

Choice of words:

People will be reading this in five years time. Some of them may even not know exactly who Michael Jackson was. I think you should completely omit the first paragraph and start the second paragraph more positively, with something like Michael Jackson was the 'King of Pop', a singer and dancer who ...

trying to find out more about the man behind the mirror -- He wasn't "the man behind the mirror", he was "the man in the mirror". I think this sentence would be better as:
trying to find out more about the man behind the man in the mirror

but the trouble with this is you use "Looking at the Man in the Mirror" very soon after that as a heading. I suggest you think about a way around this problem, rephrasing one of the two.

one hundred million copies --> 100 million copies

created in 1963 by Michael's father Joseph -- you've already named the father so you don't need to name him again

The five started -- I think this would be better with a capital F as it would then refer to the group rather than the five individuals.

it was his partnership with Quincy Jones --> it was Michael's partnership with Quincy Jones -- you've been talking about the group up to now, so it is time to mention Michael again.

Neverland is the name of his house --> Neverland was the name of his house

You mention in the text about his skin colour being attributed to a disease but you provide the same information in a footnote. The footnote is therefore unnecessary. You might like to move the name of the disease into the main text, or you might prefer to just omit it.

Michael married Lisa Marie Presley 5 in 1994 -- can you explain why this would shock the nation?

have both fuelled the fire -- you haven't mentioned any fire, so you'll have to expand on this somewhat.

his third child, nicknamed 'blanket' (Prince Michael II) -->
his third child, Prince Michael II, nicknamed 'Blanket',

over a balcony --> over a balcony to show him off to his fans

"Like a lot of Michael's life little is known about the child and the mother." -- you could say more:
Like a lot of Michael's life, little is known about the child; for his mother, official documents state 'None'.

Michael was angered by how the documentary had been cut and how people would see him that he filed complaints with UK standard authorities.
-- insert "so" before angered. "standard"
-- should be "standards".

The notion of Michael having a childhood fixation was revisited in 2003 as he faced charges of molesting 13-year-old Gavin Arvizo.
-- a childhood fixation means he wants to be a child and relive his childhood. The charges did not relate to a childhood fixation. Jackson admitted having slept in the same bed as various young boys and in interview couldn't see anything wrong with this, stating that it was nothing to do with sex. The charges were that he had sexually assaulted the boy.

"Despite being found not guilty it was clear that the charges brought against him had taken their toll on his life and Michael was increasingly unwell" I believe that as a result of this, sales of his records plummeted and this is why he was in financial trouble, but you should check that.

He was also in a lot of financial trouble and so it was felt that he do something about it and so the This is It tour was put in place. -- this is clumsy with "and so" twice, and there's also a grammar "it was felt that he do something". I suggest you rewrite it as:

He was also in a lot of financial trouble; to revive his failing fortune the This is It tour was put in place.

but sadly the tour never did come into fruition for he died in Los Angeles on 25 June, 2009, after suffering a cardiac arrest at his home.
-- his death is a significany enough event to warrant a new paragraph, I think:

"but sadly the tour never did come to fruition.

Michael Jackson died in Los Angeles on 25 June, 2009, after suffering a cardiac arrest at his home."

Gnomon. I've updated mist of it.

There's just a few nitpicks outstanding but I'll look at those later.

Michael married Lisa Marie Presley 5 in 1994 -- can you explain why this would shock the nation?

have both fuelled the fire -- you haven't mentioned any fire, so you'll have to expand on this somewhat.

The notion of Michael having a childhood fixation was revisited in 2003 as he faced charges of molesting 13-year-old Gavin Arvizo.
-- a childhood fixation means he wants to be a child and relive his childhood. The charges did not relate to a childhood fixation. Jackson admitted having slept in the same bed as various young boys and in interview couldn't see anything wrong with this, stating that it was nothing to do with sex. The charges were that he had sexually assaulted the boy.
"Despite being found not guilty it was clear that the charges brought against him had taken their toll on his life and Michael was increasingly unwell" I believe that as a result of this, sales of his records plummeted and this is why he was in financial trouble, but you should check that.

You didn't make the change I suggested about skin colour. You've moved the footnote to the main text, and have basically the same information repeated two sentences later.

Five started off --> The Five started off

Sorry for the misunderstanding/s

I've added that people saw his marriage to Presley as a publicity stunt.

The fuel the fire thing is in my view another way of saying that he acted contentious

sorted the trial bit

His marriage was thought to be a convenient way of him proving the jury right to have cleared him. Also, Lisa had plenty of money and wouldn't need to make a claim on him when they divorced.

lil my mind thought cover up the children thing but then I didn't want to speculate so for confirmation.

I've no problem with "feeding the fire" as long as you say which particular fire it was feeding - you haven't mentioned any fire yet. Perhaps "feeding the fire of media speculation".

done

Is this ready to go now?

Opti hasn't been around for a while and checking her PS seems she's not posted in 5 weeks. I hope she's OK

I'm wondering if this can be applied to the entry as is, what about it, folks?

If it's good to go I can apply it and inform the Eds for FP promotion.

It looks good to me

Thanks lil

Doesn't look quite right to me, since I can see problems in the very first sentence. Perhaps I'll give it a proof-read tomorrow, and then the Eds could process the Update and a curator could immediately make any changes necessary.

I already applied it to the old EGE, sorry. It can be curated now

Oh.

I'll have a look at it now while I drink my .