A Conversation for Tips on How to Deal with Difficult People
Willow Started conversation May 18, 2001
Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with a grown man who goes into a huff, usually when someone (i.e. me) has expressed her displeasure with something he's done? The end result is usually that I end up apologising to get him out of the monumentally (or is that just mental) irritating sulk.
Any sulkers out there want to justify/explain their behaviour for me? Is it a power thing?
Ashley Posted May 18, 2001
I will put my hand up - I am one of the Towers' most profound sulkers . Boys usually do it because they know that they will get their way - especially where mums are concerned. I suppose many men just transfer this to their spouses...
What to do?
Deny him sex or don't feed him - either will work.
Crescent Posted May 18, 2001
Motive is the key. You know this mannie (you do not say, but probably pretty well) so you know what makes him tick. Does he do it just get you to feel like the bad guy? Get you to apologise so he can do it again? Anyhoo, you have three choices off the top of my head....
1. Tell him straight out to buck up. He is in the wrong - act like a man. But probably not as blunt as that. Maybe more cajoley.
2. Play the game. Ignore it, just act like everything is normal and he is not irritating you at all.
3. Turn the tables. Go into a sulk yourself.
Which one you choose depends on you.
1. The mature adult way of dealing with it. Could drive him deeper into the sulk, or get him out of it.
2. If played right, this could drive him nuts (this is my choice - but I pride myself on my irritation ability )
3. This will do to him what he is doing to you. Hopefully it ends up with him apologising
If it doesn't work try another. Oh, thought of another, just laugh at him for being a big baby. Oh, or hit him with a soft toy over and over again until he realises it (this one does work on at least some peeps, honest )
It probably won't, but I hope this helps Let me know how it goes Until later....
BCNU - Crescent
Willow Posted May 18, 2001
Thank you Crescent - you are truly wise - the Marge Proops of h2g2.
Captain Kebab Posted May 18, 2001
Willow Posted May 19, 2001
Please pardon my incompetence. Having not posted anything on this site before I didn't realise I couldn't reply to both my advisors without my postings appearing in sequence. Geeza break Kebab man I'm only learning!
Martin Harper Posted May 19, 2001
Not expressing your displeasure in the first place would be a good plan. Or making it clear that your displeasure isn't with him (because you wuv him deeply, etc, etc) but with whatever it is that he's done. People of all genders have a tendency to take criticism to heart...
Plan B: leave them to it. Sometimes sulks are just a way of taking a little time out from daily life: people need alone time. Just make sure he knows that when he wants to come back out to play you'll be there.
Some people advise that after nagging (sorry - "expressing your displeasure") someone and getting them into a sulk, the best solution is to nag them further, as if the two pieces of nagging will magically cancel out. Ignore these people.
But I like your way best: just apologise. It's not some kind of weakness to admit that you screwed up, or that you could have phrased something better. If it's dual fault, then the other person will probably apologise for their own part in it, and everyone's happy again.
Dealing with a *chronic* sulker is different: if somebody appears to go into a sulk every ten seconds, then by all means ask them about it - but do so when they're not sulking!
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