The h2g2 Poem
Created | Updated May 27, 2009
A Wint'ry Tale Of Misery
O! Half the night I spent in tears
The other half in sorrow
And heard my weary footsteps fall
[Quick note to self: use "morrow"]
I trudged and trudged and trudged some more
And trudgèd (for the meter)
Behind me (for the handy rhyme)
I led a horse named Peter.
O! Fiery was his noble eye
And soft and warm his saddle!
But ev'ry time I tried to mount
He soon made me skedaddle!
And were this mis'ry not enough
I realised (O! 'Twas shocking!)
The chill that gripped my ice-cold heart
Came from an undarned stocking!
O Idleness! O Laziness!
O cursèd human folly!
O! Had I better better supervised
That laundry girl called Molly!
And so my toe (My little toe.
The right hand one.) was freezing
And at my back that fiendish nag
Laughed so hard he was wheezing!
O how I cursed that faithless steed!
O how I cursed that Molly!
O how I cursed my own weak will
And - [Curse it! I've used "folly"]
When finally my house drew near,
My home! My hearth! My slippers!
I dreamed of simple pleasures then,
Of tea and toast and kippers.
'Twas not to be - that loathsome horse
Spun 'round, and back he darted
And almost as an afterthought
My hat and head were parted!
I turned in turn and followed him
And after him I plodded
"O foulest beast!" I cried "You 
"
[Be careful, you'll get modded!]
O! Once I had a milk-white steed
But now that it is snowing
The sky is white! The ground is white!
No telling where he's going!
I bent my hatless head so low
And cold the wind blew 'round it
And then I thought [don't look now, mum]
And then I thought - "Confound it!"
I stumbled through my cottage door
Sans horse! Sans hat! Sans feeling!
The cold without! The wrath within!
It left my senses reeling.
And so I sit before my hearth
A-toasting my poor toesie -
To know that beast is cold without
Makes indoors twice as cosy!
My gentle readers all, know this:
Buy horses only rocking.
And: To the greatest mis'ry adds
A hole in your right stocking!
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