h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A lot of women say "Size isn't important". Well they are wrong.

I work for a shoe manufacturer and believe me, size is an extremely important concept.

Sshh! The fact that size is important is one of the most important secrets we women have and we don't want the men to find out or it might bruise their fragile ego's and they'll never get it up again and sex with a small one is better than no sex at all!

Women don't even need us men anymore. Now THAT'S a scary thought, isn't it? But it's the honest to God truth. Thanks to modern science they can store the best parts of us in the freezer for later use. Whoop-de-doo, eh, lads?

but that would kind of be like frozen hotdogs (i demand that you raise that mind of yours out of the gutter right this instant ) now wouldn't it. not much life and fun there. speaking as a woman i can say that some of us do much prefer the whole enchilada!

I agree - Sex without men is like an eclair without chocolate and cream - bland and boring!

wham!!!!!!!!!!!!!!we have hit the gutter once again!

I would prefer dropping specimens of my manlyhood in a women. Better then dropping it in a freezer... can't imagine why any man would do that.

for the life of me i can't imagine why either
anyone with any thoughts on this please step forward and help us with this please.

I agree totally. Personally, I've never had any complaints...

Except from Looneytunes in just about every conversation in this forum. What is it with you two? Frustrated from lack of sex and numbs hands I suppose.

The only time I get numb hands is when it's cold and I've forgotten my gloves. The articles on m**turbation come from Loonytunes.

Myself, I have a steady girlfriend(almost a year now), and therefore have no need of aids such as m**tubating with numb hands, etc. The defamatory nature of Loonytunes' comments are possibly due to his frrustration at a lack of s*xual attention from ladies. Like I said, this isn't a problem for me. I get plenty...

P.S. The asterisks are because I am at school right now-there is a blocking system which refuses to let you use certain words.

Oh and there i was necro thinking they were there because you couldnt spell
oh just to say to all you men out there size matters more if you havent a clue what your doing ( how many of you would admit to that )
but we all know according to all men theirs are the biggest lets hope they never ask us ladies they may just get a shock

Hey, I KNOW mine isn't the biggest in the world. Yes, that's right, ISN'T the biggest. Come on, there are guys out there with 12 inchers and 13 inchers for goodness sake. That's abnormal. Now I know that I am far from an average guy in many areas, but I'm not THAT far from being average. However, I do happen to know for a fact that it is very painful for the woman if it is that big. I know one girl who couldn't sit down for two days after making free with some bloke who had a 12 inch schlong. As she was on holidya with her parents at the time, it took some explaining, I can tell you.

But I do know what I am doing. If you look at one of the other forums (Taking coal to Newcastle, in the approved article about Newcastle-Upon-Tyne), there is proof. My girlfriend's mates saying how complimentary she is about me. Most gratifying to know when you're doing things right.

And about me not being able to spell. I wood hop that I cood spel rite, beeng a sub edeter and all

Necr

This is what i don't understand about schoolgirls doing it with much older men, they haven't stopped grownig, so surely they shouldn't be able to accomodate a full grown man, I'm only 15 for gods sake and I've never had any complaints (which is little under a miricle at my school!)

Dear ...

This letter was started by a woman like yourself in the hopes
of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women. Unlike
most chain letters this one does not cost you anything. Just
send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are
equally tired and discontented. Then, bundle up your husband
or boyfriend and send him to the woman whose name appears
at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive
16,877 men and one of them is bound to be a hell of a lot
better than the one you already have . . . .

Do not break the chain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . have faith

One woman broke the chain and got her own S.O.B. back. At
this writing a friend of mine had already received 184 men.
They buried her yesterday, but it took three undertakers
35 hours to get the smile off her face, and 2 days to get her
legs together so they could close the coffin.

You must have faith

signed: A liberated woman














16,877 men and one of them is bound to be a hell of a lot
better than the one you already have . . . .

Do not break the chain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . have faith

One woman broke the chain and got her own S.O.B. back. At
this writing a friend of mine had already received 184 men.
They buried her yesterday, but it took three undertakers
35 hours to get the smile off her face, and 2 days to get her
legs together so they could close the coffin.

You must have faith

signed: A liberated woman

LOL

Necr

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the HOLE. He is shocked. He says To the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky> frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next holE. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know
what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says,
"Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit
$3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.
Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and Says "Frog, I don't know how to
repay you.
You've won me all this money and
I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss
Me." He figures why not,
since after all the frog did for
him, he deserves it. With a
kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous,naked 15-year-old girl. "And that,
your honour, is how the girl
ended up in my room. So help me God
or my name is not William Jefferson
Clinton."

That is sheer genius.

I think 'Slick Willy' would have to be in that instance..

Necr

yeah ok so your girlfriend might think you're amazing but what does tegan think?!!! yes we've heard all about it!!

Private joke?

here's one:imagine a film of an iraqi man shouting in a foreign language, waving a gun in the air and pointing in the other direction, it's an advert for the army. some other adverts come on and then the iraqi man is back, but this time some subtitles come up.......and they say "your mama...................
was a bitch!"



I dunno about u but I find that mental image highly amusing. (if u have no imagination, then just ignore that as u wont have found it funny)