So Barbra Streisand was in Hawke's Bay for a couple of days
and nobody (apart from those who catered for her) knew about it. It's
hardly surprising when you consider divas of that stature make an art form
out of maintaining privacy. She would hardly have arrived in Napier
aboard a late evening Metroliner from Auckland packed to the gunwales with
heavily perspiring, tired and emotional businessmen and howling infants.
It's highly unlikely she popped into a public bar somewhere to order a taxi
for her and Jimmy boy to get to the movies.

The Streisand ilk, despite huge international fame and profile, is able to
move about in what are essentially backwaters like this with anonymity
because they have the means to purchase such a commodity.

They charter aircraft, but not under their own names, and they don't need
to move through domestic airport lounges... maybe not even international
ones for that matter. They have access to corporate vehicles and
'see-nothing-hear-nothing' drivers who make a living out of carrying the
rich and famous. They choose to stay in lodges where client confidentiality
is as crucial an ingredient as fresh linen, and even fresher rock lobster
and venison.

They can move about just like you and me... because you and me do not
expect to walk into a winery and see someone internationally famous in
there. We might think we've seen Tom Cruise coming out of a
hot-bread shop but, well, just go 'naaa ... what would he be doing here'.

Rich, famous, recognisable people come here all the time because New
Zealand operates in third gear as opposed to the overdrive of Europe and
America. We are off the beaten track, we pride ourselves in promoting the
'get-away-from-it-all' lure and anonymity is easy to maintain.

I was highly amused to hear a morning radio host telling his listeners how
Streisand managed to spend two days in Hawke's Bay without any newspaper
reporters getting wind of it! My reply to the radio jock is simple... if
your radio show is so bloody switched on and up with the play, how come you
didn't end up having a tomato, basil and salmon sandwich at Ormlie Lodge
with Streisand... like I did?

Well, no. I didn't actually but, if she had invited me, I probably would
have, although I'd have passed on the tomato because it's no good for the
old gout.

So what are we supposed to do now... put up a statue of her at a winery
saying:
'Barbra Streisand bought a particularly cheeky little Riesling
from here on April 19'.

Nope. We do nothing of the kind. What we do is keep our eyes open and play
'spot the celeb' from a respectful distance... because they're probably
coming through here all the time.

Try these two for starters. There have been whispers around for some time
now that ex-Beatles George Harrison (who I believe has relatives out
here) and Paul McCartney have walked under a Hawke's Bay sky. And
why shouldn't they?

The best I've managed, in terms of stumbling into a familiar face, was
running across Australian rugby league great Mal Meninga a few
Christmases ago... he was jogging on the Marine Parade beachfront
resplendent in a Canberra training strip.

'Hiya Mal,'

I yelled as I drove by. He sniffed and waved, and that
was it really. I was told later he had in-laws in Wairoa and was holidaying
in the Bay.

I've been told Spike Milligan's been through here, and it's even
been suggested a certain Ronnie Woods from 'The Stones' has
kicked around.

Just like real people, the glitterati take holidays too and they take them
in places where they can get away from it all. 'All' being the dutiful
rounds of parties and lunches, agents, paparazzi, public ogling and
speculation in the tabloid media over their sexuality.

The opportunities for Hawke's Bay tourism are enormous. We should be taking
out full-page ads in Hollywood journals.
'Come bury your heads in the
Bay. We'll see you but we won't tell anyone.'

PS: Tom Cruise... mate, if you're reading this give me a call. You left
your cellphone in my van. Did Nicole get to swim with the dolphins after
all? See you again in November.

Loonytunes

08.05.00. Front Page

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