h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok, the deal is as follows.
The harpsichord is a huuugge chunking great instrument that can make a lot of noise. Or not. They can be quiet or loud and as such they only differ from the 'piano' in that this occurs suddenly, by use of pedals called "stops". Now, the harpsichord being such a complicated thing (oh, it gets more complicated btw, there are also several keyboards to choose from) some bright spark suggested they just practice on the clavichord which is NOT for general use in the corcert hall....
The "fortepiano" was invented just as JS Bach was starting to go out of business. Johann wrote some pretty groovy stuffs for the harpsichord and then some upstart Italian organ maker suddenly suggested that instead of being plucked with a plectrum, (why a harpsi can often sound like a guitar) the strings could be hit with a hammer. Like a xylophone type arrangement. Now this is where it gets confusing, because of course the idea is that you could control the hammer hitting the strings from keys just as well if not better than from the hammer. Not at first, my friends. At first, they were really, really bad. But the austrians got at them and realized what a great idea is was that they could be controlled so manually, and soon fixed them up so that the touch was more or less even. The high classical fortepiano was absolutely beautiful. Mozart loved the things. You could play loud or soft, but they had for the most part a basically even sound that could just get subtly changed and was very (sorry to be repetitive) even.
Enter Mr. Beethoven.
Now ludwig was a wierd kinda guy. Very depressed. And like many depresed ppl, he took to listening to wierd music. Lotsa bass. There was a good reason for this other than being wierd. He couldn't actually hear high notes. He wasn't interested in that tho. He was interested in writing stuff to be DRAMATIC! He wanted drama, he wanted excitement, and by jove he wasn't having much luck on the pissy little things that the austrians had made the fortepianos. His friends were starting to latch onto the idea and it wasn't long before the pianoforte seriously started to take over the scene. Enter Liszt. He played all sortsa wierd stuff his buddy Chopin had written and made the pianoforte, which had a greater volume range (and less evenness as a result) a staple. Paganini was friends with that lot. They were the drama gang. They made the fortepiano all but disappear.
They also wrote and played some ridiculously hard stuff with which the reader needn't concern him/herself except to know that anything much harder than Chopin's preludes and Liszt's consolations and FORGETIT!
The fortepiano is starting to be moderately trendy again, as is the harpsichord because of this modern mania for learning all the early stuff and playing it on the appropriate instruments. *shrug* It's keeping Max Cooke in business, anyway.
There is a serious difference between a studio upright and a huge great chunking concert grand which a previous conversationalist did not notice, btw. The action. The grand piano you have uneven pressure on depression. Now you get used to it very quickly, but the gist of it is that if you depress the keys on a grand, halfway down there's resistance and you suddenly hafta press harder. You don't get that on an upright.
The very reason I played an upright in my final exam!!

Now, here are some jokes that are actually funny!
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft??


A flat minor

What do you get if you drop a piano on my dad's boss's office at the army?



A flat major!!!

Now here's the deal, if any of you are thinking of validating claims of what happens when you drop a piano from a great height, I assume you've got pianos to lose. Here's the deal: I really need one
*fluttery eyelashes*
:o)

xxoo

Nice piece

TM.

Amazing! super! magnificient! incredible! outstanding! am....

no, hang on ... i think it was just those fluttering eyelashes in the ending .....