h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If I may make so bold as to offer a short nonsense composition of my own making...

Thinking of how all my dilettante dabbling in Eastern philosophy had led me nowhere save up my own arse, I fell into a mild depression, convinced that enlightenment and wisdom were totally unattainable. 'Living in the now' and 'peace of mind' were certainly not for the likes of me.

Then, one morning, leafing through The Mahabharata, searching for something (I don't know what, exactly), I decided to give up and I threw the book (and metaphorically all of the others) straight into the bin. It was then I started to laugh (I don't know why). And continued to laugh. In fact, I was absolutely beside myself. 'Oh well', I thought, 'who cares? I'm still here. And who really knows how to live a life anyway? Eh? Who *really* knows?' And off I went, having already decided to have a nice hot morning bath.

It was while in the bath (still in this most cheerful mood) that it came to me, the composition that I'm going to share with you, my bathtime mantra dedicated to living in the 'not now', entitled 'My Mind Is A Riderless Chariot' (incidentally, it can also be sung, almost as effectively, in the shower). 'My Mind Is A Riderless Chariot' is best sung out loud with great gusto (a mixture of defiance and acceptance is ideal) while giving yourself a thorough scrubbing down with soap and water. You can repeat the single verse as often as you like. I often find it's worth persevering until you have managed to simultaneously work up a good soapy lather *and* started to laugh out loud. I heartily recommend all of you to try this the next time you're in the bath (or shower). The song, when sung aloud, somehow confers upon the singer, a kind of joy, a kind of wisdom born out of absolute nonsense. Give it a go

My Mind Is A Riderless Chariot

"My mind is a riderless chariot
And I call my chariot, Harriet
And though I've tried to ride her
Cajole and confide in her
Old Harriet's got a mind of her own"

(repeat as many times as you like)

There can certainly be wisdom in nonsense, and indeed, for that matter, nonsense in wisdom. Sometimes it takes a partial breakdown in sense before one becomes able to fully see the sense of something. I think this motif runs through a great deal of philosophical and religious literature - the idea that it is at the darkest moments when the 'light' is revealed. A (controlled) 'willing' of apparent madness can be more revealing than an attempt to maintain a constant, strict discipline over one's 'sanity'.

Obviously only to be attempted under the supervision of a responsible adult (if such an entity can be found)...

Nice verse. And there I was wondering who/what kind of guy this was before I had spotted the name

Not bad !
Not bad !

Howzabout this then? (guys and galls - jingle jingle - jewelry jewelry - big fat cigar - small children)


Body and Soul
by Livzy

Body is a good thing to have
It gets you form A to B
A soul is a bit of a pain in the arse
It makes you feel guilty

My body is great!
It's always been here
My soul, however,
only just appeared

Kinda out of nowhere
whilst I was being bad
My body thinks I'm great -
My soul thinks I'm mad

But the two come as a package
One fails without the other
My Soul is more like baggage
My Body, like my brother

Body and Soul
Soul and Body
A truly gruesome twosome
Like Rod, Jane and Freddy!

Brilliant! I love the juxtaposition in the last couplet where you refer to a twosome... and then go on to introduce *three* characters! Amazing! I was totally thrown - I had to go back and rethink everything. Thank you. Thank you so much. I also loved the fact that the word 'arse' was in the poem, too. Wonderful.

Would you care to read some more of my verse, only this time rendered in to the elliptical Japanese Haiku tradition (the five, seven, five syallable format)? You would? Oh, good. This is a particular favourite, entitled 'Falling Cherry Blossoms'. Very much influenced by the Chinese writings of Li Po and Tu Fu, 'Falling Cherry Blossoms' nonetheless maintains a singularly Japanese note which I've endeavoured to maintain throughout.

Falling Cherry Blossoms

Cherry blossoms fall
Spring is now here! So what?
I do a huge fart

I know...!


Boobs and breasts look great on lasses
Not on blokes - you'll get hit by glasses


(A rather poor attempt I know but I just wanted to say "boobs")


Or what about this one?


My ar*e is fat
My tits are saggy
I've had seven kids
My **** is baggy


Perhaps a little bit too much!

Back to iambic pentameters, I reckon!

Don't you HATE people who live in the Now? Do you notice they always need to borrow something - with cash being the usual? How long was I intimidated by people who never failed to stop and smell the roses! How come I, despite some pretensions to Soul and Depth, who even liked Alan Ginsberg's "Howl" the first time I read it, could not last longer than 15 minutes - if that- in a pine scented forest with all the silence about me without thinking, "And now what?" How can you keep stopping to smell the roses and still get there? Or was G. Stein right (in another context), that there is no there, there? Or what? I secretly suspected that I alone had no soul. But I am beginning to think after all that a lot of beautiful thought just cloaks a deadbeat heart and the Sally in "When Harry Met..." is not the only one faking it. Or not.

Ha! Living in the now - a lovely ideal - but what a swizz! I've actually just written a song called, 'Sometimes You Have To Live For Tomorrow'. I guess that just about sums it up for me.

Sam.

Sam,
I loved the haiku. I nearly fell off of my chair.

I'm delighted you liked my haiku. I suscribe to the ancient haiku writing discipline of No Discipline. Therefore I don't know what I'm talking about. Which is absolutely fine.

Nice of you to drop by!

Sam.

Even so, that was a master stroke of silly mindless drivel. I hope you take no offense, as I am honored to communicate with a man of such impeccable taste, or lack thereof. I chuckled myself to sleep last night wilst thinking of your poetry. Thank you for the delight!

-Mary

Ha! Are you aware of a book called 'Tofu Roshii' or something like that? It's hilarious stuff; spoof-Zen-but-not-really. It starts off with a little introduction about attaining the goal of total ignorance and how one really 'gifted' practioner nearly achieved perfect stupidity halfway through his first bow.

I hope you have good fun with h2g2 - when you get a minute, fill in your personal space and tell us a bit about yourself.

Sam.

Hey, it only took me a month to get around to writing my introduction page. It is exceedingly dull. See if you agree. I'm still laughing at your haiku, Sam, after all this time.

I wish I could live in the Now, but it keeps turning into the Then at a rate of 1 second per second. I get confused. I think I could manage to live in the Here, as long as the inhabitants of all the other Theres can give me some co-ordinates so's I know where not to intrude. I won't even start on time, because I don't understand mirrors. They do strange things on one axis, and behave themselves on the other(s?). And they do it later! Help?

..I guess the posting above kinda adds a bit of weight to the "too much caffeine is dangerous" argument...