h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wonder?

What if you used fish eggs which have no shells?
OK, admittedly it would be a fairly minging omlette but no breaking of eggs at all.

So there all you Old Wives - tell me another tale.

So "theres no use crying over spilt milk" - Nonsense! I was once held at gun point with a saucer of full fat in my hands and electrodes attached to my nether regions - I split the bloody milk and got 1,000,000 volts through me "down belows"
Cried?
Too right!

and I suppose you'll give me that old favourite "every cloud has a silver lining" - ever seen an atomic mushroom cloud?

and dont even bother with "there's plenty more fish in the sea" - if I'd wanted to shag fish I'd have moved to Grimsby.

Firstly, fish eggs aren't eggs at all, but baby golf balls which haven't grown to full maturity yet. Have you ever wondered why there are so many golf balls at the bottom of lakes and 'water hazards', and why it's such a lucrative market to retrieve them: fish lay them, divers get them, and then sell them on to Ping and Titleist: it's money for old rope.
Secondly, the correct phrase is "it's no use crying over split milk". I once sat with a black cherry yoghurt, watched Dr Zhivago and wept buckets; then, as a control, watched it without said yoghurt, and still wept buckets.
Thirdly, indeed, every cloud may not have a silver lining, but if Otto Goldfinger had had his evil way, at least one would have had a golden lining. Which, on an Olympian scale is much better.
And, fourthly, there aren't plenty more fish in the sea. Unfortunately.
You can blame the fishermen for that one.

Good weirdness, Jazzman!

I'd better watch my back!