Things Dogs Must Try To Remember

• The dustman is not stealing our stuff even though I haven't gotten the chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it.
• I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
• I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
• I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
• I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
• I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident.
• I will not throw up in the car.
• I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
• I will not lick my human's face after eating animal dung.
• "Kitty box crunchies" are not food!
• I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard or house depending on which end processes it first.
• I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
• I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell him.