h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Outstanding entry, Fragilis. Here's some more tidbits on female masturbation and history...

Egyptian Queens were buried with everything they would need in the afterlife... including dildos. And the ancient Greeks found them very amusing, putting their images on pottery. Then there is the quote from Aristophanes' "Lysistrata"... "Why, since those beastly Milesians revolted and cut off the leather trade, that handy do-it-yourself kit's vanished from the open market." Yes, ancient dildos were made of leather. The practice fell out of favor with... what else.. the rise of Christianity. Not that others were much better... the women of the Sultan's harem were forbidden to satisfy themselves, and one measure taken to ensure this was that cucumbers had to be sliced before they were served to the girls.

Isn't it shocking how deeply I've researched this?

Thanks for the compliment, Colonel Sellers.

Your factoids are very interesting indeed. I do remember that ancient dildos were made of leather, although in India they were more often made of polished wood, painted red. I'd never heard the vignette about slicing cucumbers for the harem girls, but I'm never surprised by the lengths men will go to to make sure women have nowhere else to go but to them for sexual satisfaction. *sigh*

I have a book on ancient inventions. Apparently there is evidence that the women of ancient Greece used d***os made out of bread (presumably not crusty!). The d***o could be made to any size or shape required by a woman, and women often had their favourite baker. Being made of bread, the dildoes would go soggy in water, thus preventing problems if they happened to get stuck. (I know of a girl who used a Coke bottle as a d***o and got it stuck. I never did hear how she got it out, so don't ask!)

Out of bread, eh? It sounds like you could do a whole entry on the history of marital aids. It might be very informative.

Using a bottle as a d***o is never a good idea, because of the air pressure problem. Ones made of glass are particularly ill-advised. While they can be dislodged if stuck, it isn't going to be pleasant for anyone. If you must use a household item, use something relatively solid on the inside.

I have a doctor friend with plenty of tales of the things people have come into Accident and Emergency with stuck in them. Worryingly often surgery is needed. I alwasy though it would just take a tub of vaseline and a pair of rubber gloves biut sometimes stuff gets truly stuck (5 litres of cement up someones butt I think was some kind of record).

Bread dildos don't sound too appetising. I think of a couple were going to play something the Mick Jagger/Marianne Faithful mars bar approach would be more appropriate.

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This is a wonderful link, and I do like the brief description of "female hysteria" on the main page. Thanks!