Part 2: The 'poisoning' of Demon Drawer
Created | Updated Jun 21, 2003
This report is part of the h2g2 Prez Campaign and should only be taken seriously within the context of the campaign. |
Now The Celery takes on the specific issue of the 'poisoning' of Demon Drawer. What is the true story?
I've spent quite a bit of time studying the data and conducting my own investigation1. The data is ambiguous, and a variety of attempts have been made to reconcile the various contradictions. Each, so far, has been flawed. There is one scenario, however, that fits the facts revealed so far:
Demon Drawer was not poisoned.
So let's take a look at the evidence:
The Poison
As has been shown in the previous page of this report, no clear evidence has been forthcoming regarding the 'poison' used. We've seen goop of various colors, and heard speculation of aliens and acorns, but no evidence of poison has been seen.
It's really quite simple. The poison cannot be analysed because there never was any poison.
The Case of the Mysterious Press Release
One of the more bizarre points in this case is the fact that Demon Drawer issued a press release to the Post about his 'poisoning' and the fact that he had been rushed to the hospital, while he was on the floor of the Forum & Firkin, supposedly choking from the poison. Is this the action of a man near death's door?
Where is the Hospital?
In this same press release to the Post, Demon Drawer invents the hospital to which he was later rushed. Notice that he controls the existence of the hospital and its staff; its physical whereabouts remain unknown (communication with him in the hospital mostly occurred through the Scandals and Rumours thread); and conveniently, the staff of the hospital are unavailable to be interviewed regarding Demon Drawer's medical records.
This, of course, is highly suspicious.
However, we were able to get our hands on a copy of a picture which was smuggled out of the hospital. This picture, apparently shows Demon Drawer, supposedly in intensive care due to poisoning, reacting to the rumor that there was a bar in the hospital.
Once again, he exhibits remarkable energy for a man who has been poisoned.
A busy sick man
During that first day that Demon Drawer was supposedly in intensive care, he was the most prolific poster on h2g2. Sick? Poisoned? I think not.
Motive
So why would Demon Drawer fake being poisoned? There are two possible motivations:
There is a rumour floating around that Demon Drawer had some kind of elective surgery in the hospital. No details were available about the type of surgery. This is probably just speculation, but the 'poisoning scenario' would provide an excuse for him to spend some time in the hospital, if he wanted to keep the real reason quiet.
Even more likely was that the 'poisoning' was a calculated crass political move as an attempt to gain sympathy.
Ask yourself. Who was the one who gained the most by Demon Drawer being 'poisoned' but not fatally? Why Demon Drawer, of course. Unless further, more conclusive evidence is brought forward, we must comclude that Demon Drawer was not poisoned.
Which leads to....
... the real tragedy in this whole case. For that, see the next page.
