h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It helps in USA driving, to know which brands of car local idiots are drawn to. In Los Angeles, I have been informed, it is Volvos, while in San Francisco, it is BMW's. In Texas it is first and foremost Cadillacs and Lincolns. There is some general rule that no Cadillac EVER exceeds 20 miles per hour and that lofty speed is achieved only in the fast lane of the better freeways. On surface streets, it is often hard to determine whether they are moving at all, and if so, whether forward or in reverse. Other c ars to avoid getting behind on freeways in Texas are, besides the above, pick-up trucks with toolboxes that extend the entire width of the bed, cars with bad paint jobs and minivans of any description.
It is also considered common ettiquette on the part of police to stop any driver who isn't white-skinned. It is apparently considered that such personal attention makes up for former neglect of the darker-skinned. This is particularly noticeable in those suburban towns and small cities where few of these darker skinned persons reside. Not only will the police stop them, but they will, on most occasions require such persons to exit their vehicles. Non-white persons will be pleased to know they can count on such personal consideration in Texas, particularly in the city of Farmers Branch north of Dallas. The police in several cities between Waco and Austin on I-35 are also assiduous in trying to become better acquainted with such drivers.
Finally the one overiding rule throughout the USA, is that drivers of the old Volkswagen Beetles are to be avoided (unless one is armed) at all costs. Drivers of these are not conversant with the simplest conventions of driving, and are possibly the only drivers on earth that are unable to keep up with Texas Cadillac drivers, even with a head start. Drivers of these vehicles regard them as museum pieces, not to be moved. It is to be assumed that they actually purchased them on the pavement of the freeway where they are to be found holding up traffic, because no domicile is placed closely enough thereto to enable a driver to actually reach a freeway within the time elapsed between the date of original manufature and the present, at the apparent top possible speed of these vehicles.

don't forget the rule for motercycle/automobile and truck/anything-smaller interaction. one basic rule applies in texas:
If it's smaller than your vehicle, it's O.K to run it down.
the reverse could be stated that if it's bigger than your vehicle, then you are responsible for getting out of it's way before it runs you down.

The legal term for this is Right of Way by Mass.

ly laughter

I heard last week that Austin has been ranked 5th in the list of US cities with highest road accident fatalities per head of population. No other Texas city made it into the top 10, not even Houston Statisticians and analysts are probably going to say that it's because there's very little in the way of freeways here (freeways being the safest form of road in terms of accidents per mile driven), but having seen the way Texans drive on the freeway, I'm not so sure about that. Drivers in this town have no regard for the lives and safety of anyone else, since so many of them drive bloody great pickup trucks and SUV's (the Ford Excursion is so big that it can be seen from outer space, even when parked next to The Great Wall of China!), and know that they're unlikely to come off worse in an accident. What is it about sitting behind a steering wheel that makes so many people believe they have the right to put anyone else in hospital, in a wheelchair, or even in a cemetary, just for being in their way?

I recently moved from Houston to London and I've got to say that I would take big, beautiful 10 lane highways with Excursions and the lot over streets so small that only half a car really fits on them. I agree that Houstonians may seem a little agressive behind the wheel (particularily strange because they are really the opposite every other time), but I've nearly been hit by taxis so many times here that it scares me to cross the road. Another thing that (THANK GOD!) Houston lacks is legions of tiny motorcycles that scream and belch smoke as they weave through queued traffic. They're liked guided pedestrian-hitting missiles.

Give me Houston any day!