h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

To expand the article a little, it is essential - particularly in the west - to drive in the middle of the road at night, with as much lighting as you have available switched on.

Firstly because everyone drives like this - giving everyone a sporting chance of seeing the oncoming car a couple of fields away, street lighting, and even road markings (the reflective sort) are optional outside of major cities and towns.

The second reason is the huge pieces of stone, that somehow always fall into the road from the dry stone walls around dusk. I lost many a tyre to these before I got the hang of it.

As stated in the article over taking is common and often reckless, but there is always time for manners. On passing any vehicle, you should flash your hazard lights in greeting, particularly someone who is driving in the hard shoulder for you.

When driving straight on in the left lane in a major roundabout intersection keep an eye on traffic inside you, on your right, as they attempt a last minute maneuvre to turn left, realising only now that they have got into the wrong lane.

When in a long queue of traffic coming up to a major intersection, always pull into the hard shoulder and drive like crazy down it towards the intersection. If you have a souped up '94 LH registration Honda Civic or Ford Fiesta, then this maneuvre is obligatory.

Never beep a horn at anyone in Ireland. Normally it is regarded as massively offensive, even though the person you are beeping at may be fully in the wrong (like driving at 30mph in the fast lane on a dual-carriage way). An exeption is in a traffic queue, where they are lost in dreamland when the red light goes green.

Never let anyone into the fast lane, when they have had the bad fortune to be stuck behind a tractor, travelling at 20 miles per hour in the slow lane.

From the point of view of someone who is usually a pedestrian in metro Dublin, an important part of driving etiquette is the bluff. Drivers and pedestrians play chicken on a regular basis: pedestrian begins to cross against the lights, driver accelerates, pedestrian, without turning head, becomes aware of car in peripheral vision but continues to walk across the street. If the pedestrian is skilful and has judged the crossing well, no speed above a hasty walk will be considered; the driver may be forced to slow down slightly. The larger and more commercial the vehicle, the more valid this scenario is. A fairly obvious exception is a semi-articulated truck, the driver of which may not be able to see the pedestrian. Buses are safer than vans, which are safer than cars, next motorbikes, finally the dreaded bicycle. This is partly because commercial drivers are (hopefully) more practised and better aware of the limits of their vehicles than the average commuter. There are roads in metro Dublin where this scenario does not apply, notably Merrion Road.

Cyclists are a special category on the roads of Dublin. They are between a rock and a hard place: larger vehicles, eg buses, may crush them at any moment (and often do), while careless pedestrians may attempt to cross in front of them without realising they are there. The comparative silence of a bicycle makes it one of the worst enemies of pedestrians. Cyclists in Ireland are treated as regular traffic, which means they are expected to drive on the road and obey the lights. I use 'expected' loosely. Many cyclists in Ireland do not wear helmets. These include some of the messenger bikers around Dublin, who are paid for speedy deliveries. Be aware of these, and give cyclists a lot of leeway if you are walking, or (mainly for their sake) driving. It is difficult to anticipate their changes of speed, even when you are aware of their presence.

Too true!

Then there's the mid-lane tightrope walk, when a pedestrian marches across a busy road onto the lines in the middle, and walks along those lines, sometimes centimetres away from fast moving traffic on both sides, until they spot a tiny gap in the traffic and make a run for it.

(I know it has nothing to do with Driver Etiquette, but it's just one of the hazards of driving.)

Ah, yes - I've been there..
I have a theory that the fact that most people in Ireland cross dangerous roads on a regular basis explains why we don't need rollercoasters. We're still getting our thrills in a nearly natural way.