h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And delightfully cynical too. I enjoyed reading this far too much.

B

-Brilliant!

Just one very minor pettyfogging litle correction though:-

ref. Footnote Eleven, discussing the perception that only the English-speaking world finds farting funny and that by extension only English has a fart-related literature.

May I differ here?

In the "thousand and one nights", Scherazade staves off execution for one more night by telling the Sultan the tale of Ibn ben Hassan, a merchant of Cairo who one night is summoned to dine with the Caliph. all goes well and Ibn enjoys the exalted company he is with until - horror! - the hummous and pitta bread, or maybe the shishkebab, who knows, ferments within him and he lets fly the loudest and most egregrious-smelling effusion of the bowel.

Shamed in front of his Prince, Ibn runs away and goes to sea for fifteen years. Hearing of the death of the Caliph in front of whom he farted, he elects to return to Cairo, thinking "They'll never remember after so long".

Alas for ibn ben Hassan! For he enters the sort of waterfront taverna where sailors and longshoremen gather, and being of a lesser breed than Caliphs, he hears one let fly a fart. All within laugh, and a voice is heard: "Well spake, Abdul!" Alas, that was nowhere near as loud and but only a trifle as offensive to the nostril as the Fart of Farts, the king of eructations, which Ibn ben Hassan let go, in front of the Caliph of all Egypt fifteen years ago!"

Shamed anew, Ibn runs back to his ship...

I concur in that this is a brilliant entry. I laughed a bit AND learned!

Very good work.

You missed out on one of the mysteries of human effluvia, though. Why is there always carrots in fecal material, even though you full well know that you haven't been near a carrot for weeks??

Something to do with the excretion of pigments from red blood cells, I seem to remember from college.

Fantastic entry - the balance between factual information and humour is perfect, with both done to a very high standard. It's one of the best that has appeared on the Front Page this year, I think.

I'm ashamed to say that I laughed hardest at the following:

"Note, though, that male ejaculation is not restricted to the reproductive act but can also be enjoyed in recreational sessions, alone or with a cooperative partner. Roughly 10ml (or 10cc) of ejaculate is emitted on average at a time (approximately a dessertspoonful) giving rise to two band names (the other being The Lovin' Spoonful).

"Some but not all women are also capable of ejaculation following genital stimulation, the fluid (which does not, of course, contain sperm cells) being discharged via the urethra. This phenomenon has been recorded in several interesting films. Filmed ejaculations, male or female, have a high commercial value: in the adult entertainments industry, the male jouissance is known as 'the money shot'."

"This phenomenon has been recorded in several interesting films."

It's a wonderful turn of phrase, I'll grant you that.

B