The Prez Elections: The Masque of the Red Rejection Email
Created | Updated Jun 21, 2003
To my fellow citizens of h2g2, my brothers, my comrades. The day has come to elect a different kind of leader, one who is not afraid to do what he deems neccessary to succeed. One who is not afraid to challenge the democratic processes by which his fellow candidates seem so bound. One who is not afraid to hide behind a bright red mask. One who is not afraid to spell incorrectly!
Comrades, I am that leader, and together we can make a new h2g2. No longer a weak democratic organization, but a military dictatorship where the strength of the masses act as one for the common interests. The collective interests! My interests! I stand firm upon a platform that sheds my former spaming ways. I am a reformed spammer! I am an anti-spammer! I am in favour of mandatory registration for all spammers. Un-licenced spamming will be punishable by imprisonment or flogging. And to my vegetable commrades who support the Celery, I will say that the Celery is a worthy vegetable, but I, too, have your best interests at heart. I will impose a ban on all pruning impliments, including weed wackers and lawn mowers. I will impose a ban on weed killing chemicals. I will fight for the rights of each and every plant!
Some of you say that I come too late to join the ranks of those who are running for office. But this shows only that you are not free people, but are rather bound by the pseudo-democratic structure of the status quo! Like Ross Perot before me, I enter the race belatedly with every intention of winning!
Friends, h2g2ers, Countrypersons! Lend me your ears! Once I am in office you can put an end to your worries. I promise an end to crime through the efforts of my thought police! An end to uncertainty through my dynamic rule! An end to this overly long statment of intent!
Breaking news! A Vice has been found! Red Fish has graciously agreed to be the running mate!
A VOTE FOR THE MASQUE OF THE RED HERRING IS A VOTE FOR JUSTICE!
