Slurpees Content from the guide to life, the universe and everything


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Found at all 24-hour stores, Slurpees are thought by some to be the superior slushy, frozen drink, made of frozen syrup that spins around behind a plexiglass window in the Slurpee machine that invariably sits in the far corner of the aforementioned store. One drinks a Slurpee with a 'spoon-straw', which is exactly as it sounds - a straw with a spoon at the end. Slurpees come in a variety of flavours, but all will give you a brain freeze1 if drunk too fast.

Slurpee Rules

  1. Always get a bigger size than you think you could possibly drink. The Slurpee you don't get to finish will serve to keep the Slurpee you do finish frozen.

  2. Mixing flavours is always infinitely better than having a straight drink. They even make see-through cups to take advantage of the edible frozen art that results2.

  3. Always put a cover on the cup before filling. You can get three extra inches of slurp.

Tips for getting a Slurpee with Suitable Consistency

Quite often you will find a Slurpee machine with exactly the flavour you want - let's say it's Lemonator - but as you peer into the inch-thick plexiglass window you can tell that the spinning substance is certainly not solid. What do you do? Do you give in and get a watery, gloopy Slurpee? Do you complain to the manager who won't understand you? No. Take the matter into your own hands. Take a close look at the machine. There is a LED screen above the dispensers. Most likely it will read 'Defrost 1 (or 2, depending)'. There's your problem, the machine, with your interests at heart, is maintaining the Slurpee cycle of frost and de-frost, as natural as spring and fall, night and day, and football and baseball. Solution? Press the 'Cancel defrost' button. In a few minutes (take this time to explore the random aisle containing mousetraps, pantyhose, and Uno decks) your Slurpee will be returned to optimum slurp.

1The pain you feel in your head after consuming the frozen beverage.2Some good mixes include Strawberry and Pina Colada, Blue Raspberry and Watermelon, Cherry and Coke - much better than the single flavour, Cherry Coke.

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