h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've had my ears cleared by vacuum toilet. No, it's not as disgusting as it sounds, it's just a little hoover like device they stick in your ear to suck out all the gunk. A new alternative to syringing!

I generally clean my ears with my reading glasses. It can be painful if I poke them too far in.

Read what I said: NEVER put anything in your ear that's smaller than your elbow!

I have heard a blocks of ice falling from the sky. Some people reckon these are the contents of aeroplane toilets. I never knew that aeroplane toilets could be emptied in that way.
On trains when you flush the toilet it's almost hypnotice to see the railway lines flashing by below.
I've stopped poking my glasses in my ear. Now I'm using my fingers. Working up to elbow size. Gradually!

Yes, I've heard that as well. I think it was d3escribed some years ago in New Scientist magazine.

I didn't fancy the thought of walking around in an aerosol of faeces ejected from aircraft!

I must protest at the suggestion that reading glasses are in any way a sensible method to clean ones ears of excess wax. I find that if I do this the wax smears the glasses themselves - particularly when poking nice and deep.

Doing this driving is especially dangerous as a: you can't see where you are going with your glasses off and b: you can't now see with your glasses back on in response to that fuzzy flash of headlights in front of you - an issue compounded by the fact you couldn't hear the earlier warning horn as you had too much wax in your ears.

SO the advice on MEDICAL grounds must be to never use your glasses to poke INTO your ear canal. In fact poking anything in your ear is plain daft - the only way to remove earwax is to push it OUT not in. This can be accomplished easily by using a chopstick pushed in from the OTHER side. Yes OK there is a bit of pain (and yes mess I admit) as you get used to this procedure but once you've cleared a way through it is as easy as can be and saves a lot on ear-drops.