Well spring is on its way. Another year is beginning to wake up, the birds are a little bit more restless in the morning and the evenings are getting lighter. The missus is getting restless, too. Spring cleaning the house, in fact, and I've been invited to help out! I think she's in for a little surprise.

'Will you come here and hold this end, NOW.' she says.
'On my way!' I say but I'm not in too much of a hurry. So I take my time which I now know is a mistake - but it's been worth it.
'Where have you been?' she says.
'Getting the dogs (GOD BLESS'UM) in from outside.' I say.
'Just get hold of that end.' she spits.
'Ok, and there's no need to speak like that.' I say. She looks and glares at me and then goes back to unhooking the curtain from the window. I go back to holding the curtain and having a quiet internal snigger.

Hours pass and we have got all the curtains down, the hooks unhooked from them and they're placed in the washing machine. It's switched on to weave its magic on the curtains. I have a cuppa and watch them going round, getting dizzy in the process.
'They are really dirty!' I say as the water turns a light dirt colour.
'Well that's why we're washing them!' comes the reply.
'Ahhh.' I say.
'Christ, you can say the most stupid things.' she adds.
'I know. Hey, do you fancy a pint down the pub?' I ask.
'We are not going down the pub 'til the washing is done.' she says.

So we're not going to the pub 'til this cleaning phase is over.

There's a knock at the back door and in walks Dave with his dogs (GOD BLESS'UM).
'Can Jack come out to play?' he says to my missus, smiling.
'I think that Jack has homework to do!' she says without a smile.
'I think that Dave is taking a really big chance' I say looking at Dave.

So this stand-off goes on for a few more minutes. My missus draws first. It is a killer shot, too. Dave is mincemeat.
'It's nice of you to give Jack a hand in the other bedroom. I'm taking down the curtains in there, too, as they need to be washed.' she says.
'Is that the Royal "I" or just an ordinary one?' I ask. Dave is being quiet and thinking 'How do I get out of this one?'. You can hear the cogs cogging in Dave's head.
'I just got out of this sort of thing in "our" house.' says Dave as we start to take down the curtains in the other bedroom.
'I think that this room could do with being redecorated!' I say looking around the room and up at the ceiling.
'Just when are you going to start the decorating then, Jack?'. She is stood behind us in all her glory and she knows that she's won,
'Is there a echo in this room?' I say.
'Being funny, eh?!' she says.
'Nope! Just fed up of this game.' I say.
'Well you live in this house as well and I don't know about you but I tend to like to live in a CLEAN house.' she says leaving us to finish off the other window.

'Phew, she's right on one, mate.' says Dave.
'It will blow itself out after a few days. I'll decorate this room and then it will be ok!' I say trying to hide my fear. I have to live with this woman till this blows out. Scary but it has to be done. It's in the contract between us men and woman all due to the little thing called life, choosing a mate and having a life too.
'Well, mate, take care and I hope your insurance is paid up.' says Dave.
'You better make sure I don't have a word with your missus, Dave!' she calls in from around the door.
'She must have heard me!' says Dave, sniggering.
'Yeah, course she did.' I say. Dave leaves taking his dogs (GOD BLESS'UM) with him.

Back in the kitchen the washing machine is working its magic, the curtains spinning around inside. We both sit down and I turn on the TV. The missus gets up and switches off the TV.
'I want to talk to you about something very important.' says my missus looking serious.
'What is it? You have been acting really strange all day.' I say.
'What would you say if we moved to a new house?' she says. This is a big surprise to me, as I like this house. It's our house - we have lived here for at least 11 years. It's been a good house to us and the idea of leaving it for somewhere else is not good. I like my room, I like my garden shed, garage, back garden, driveway. Woman are really confusing to me, really are, and I'm not just saying this but this is a fact. I have never been able to work them out, so I have stopped trying. But today, once again, she has surprised me.
'So we're moving?' I question.
'Might be.' she says.
'Christ, just when I get this place how I like it!' I moan.
'Really? I thought you said the other day just how you wish we could have larger front room.' she says.

Well I did and this is the result of a careless train of thought coming out of my mouth. So it's my fault!

'I really don't want to move to another house.' I say quietly. She looks at me, with a smile,
'I know you don't and I really don't want to either.' she says.
'Why did you bring it up then?' I ask.
'Oh just to keep you on your toes. I'll make a cuppa for you!' she smiles.

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