h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

'A tie is just a bad scarf', you say! My dear fellow, a tie is so much more than that, and so, so much less as well. To its eternal credit, the tie is an absolutely useless garment and as such is one of the most important items of clothing with which a gentleman may clad himself.
Now, please do not misunderstand me; I have a great respect for the hardworking fellows of Saville Row and Jermyn Street. A fine suit is a sight to bring tears to the most hardened eye, and a carefully-co-ordinated shirt beneath will probably cause this hardened-eye-owner to even smile and possibly even nod in speechless approbrium. After which action, he will cast his now considerably softened eye to the tie nestling under the (hopefully detatchable) collar of the popinjay's shirt, in a bid to ascertain something of the character of the dandy in question.
This is where the tie 'comes into it's own', if I may use the expression. A gentleman is allowed a great deal of freedom in choosing his tie; a freedom rightly denied to him in most other aspects of his dress. Any fellow wearing a brogue rather than Oxford shoe for a sophisticated walk about Town, for example, would be clearly seen to be a fool or a bounder. To take a more serious example, a chap caught wearing brown shoes with his evening wear would be commited to an asylum or, preferably, shot upon the instant as a grave danger to society.
With one's tie, however, one is free to be as daring or witty as one chooses. Maybe a cream, clean looking tie to show peaceful intent, or a bold red striped affair to boost one's courage; on a trip to the Tate Modern perhaps, or whilst commiting a sly murder. The cravat and, yes, even the stock may occassionally take the place of the tie or bow-tie for those with the panache to carry them off.
All these neckal arrangements may be seen to this day and are certainly not 'dying' as you, o confounded ass, would assert. They are, however, sadly often obscured by the proliferation of those who sport 'humorous' ties; ghastly affairs with cartoon ducks on and the like. These fellows, seemingly unaware of the horror with which passers-by view them, wear their ties purely for their 'jobs'; days spent meddling with computers and other irritating contraptions.
If more people had the sense to eschew all forms of gainful employment and return to their proper duties of care-free frivolity and foppishness, these foolish questions would never arise and Mr. Bill Gates would be as dead as the 'Mickey Duck' tie ought to be.

i agree with the idea that people wearing brown shoes with evening wear should be shot,
but i also feel that if a person ties a rope around his neck it would be decidedly impolite for us not to hang him by it,
could i also extend the open season on brown shoes with dinner suits to those ill mannered people who wear pearls before dinner, it is a most hopeless breach of ettiquett.