h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... sand in your pants.

You said that like it's a bad thing...

Just as long as it's not crabs.

*Ahem*

I failed to see any mention in your entry of smoking cigarettes in the 'reverse ostrich' position. Was this an oversight on your part or overzealous editing?

Or the advantage of getting your friends to put a cool drink (such as a Coke) on the sand directly in front of your head, with a straw leading into your mouth.

I haven't actually tried burying myself in the sand, but I feel like doing it now...
Your entry is easily the most informative one I have come across.

Or with the friends I have probably a cool drink on the sand directly in front of your head, with a straw not quite reaching your mouth.

An alternative to the other options...

You would need one extra item though. A large price of plywood or suchlike. Dig a pit slightly longer than your body, and about two or three feet deep, and then cap with the wood. Leave one end open, so you can get in. Put the sand from the pit on top of the wood. Ta Da! Your very own tunnel of shady coolness. Plus it can be cleverly disguised and you can scare people quite badly by reaching out suddenly.

Sand has the interesting characteristic (along with glitter) of remaining about your person for inordinent amounts of time. Weeks later, despite frequent showering and scrubbing, particals of sand will inevitably be found adhering to parts of your body you would rather they didn't adhere to thank you very much.

True...
That can be really annoying, especially when you're sitting in an old leather chair watching MTV. All those scantily-clad dancers who *never* seem to have sand sticking to them...

The cigareet thing was just purely a bit of torture on the part of the other people there. Swines!

I like the 'board' idea, but having to carry it around with you is a bit of a bind. Worth it for the 'reaching out' gags, though!

It's a little-known fact, but the same adhesive properties that make sand stick so well to your nether-regions were used to stick those heat-shield tiles to the bottom of the space-shuttle. They took it to a beach with especially coarse sand and just rolled it around.

No really - it's true.

Probably.

Not.

Do not allow yourself to be buried in the sand after sunset. If you do, you will find out what it's like to have your face investigated by crabs. Moonlight strolls on the beach are also often interrupted by crabs also. This just happened to me. (not the being buried, the stroll) I was walking with a significant other, and we stopped for a romantic moment, which went something like this..."Wow, it's so nice out here" "Yes, isn't it beautifull?" *hug,smooch* "EEEKKK!!!" "What?!" "Something just ran over my foot! Let's go back in." "Sigh...OK"

LOL!

Nothing ruins a romantic moment worse than a case of crabs...
Or so I hear.

LOL also!
Sad to hear your sunburn hurts, Buff. For the last few days, a certain friend of mine (who is a little low on tact) has been greeting me with the words "Your face looks like it's falling off".
To which I reply "My lips are especially cracked. Like me."

It got better...

Thanks for the concern though.

It got better...

Thanks for the concern though.

Dang! I hate it when posts double.

Same here. Although I one saw a triple posting from another researcher.

Maybe they were REALLY trying to get their point across?

You know, although I feel the board gag would be great, I could find no other practical uses for burying myself in the sand, not only would it be a complete waste of anywhere from a half-hour to an hour or more of my time, it would just plain sufficate me. I mean, a few pounds of sand pressing on my chest, going down my shorts, getting in my eyes, etc. just doesn't sound like my idea of a good time

I beg to differ. I got back from holiday a few weeks ago, and one day at the beach when the tide was out i managed to bury myself up to my chest (with the help of my sister). Unfortuately, even with a hat on this left my shoulders unprotected so they got sunburned which kinda defeats the purpose ... heh heh heh.