The Rev Jack's Diary
Created | Updated Jan 13, 2005
Television
Just how much dross can one person stand? Well, I mean, once again the television has nothing new on; some 'classic' programming for the early seventies then, looking at the listings, the film is the same one again for this Bank Holiday. I drop off to sleep, cat napping, awake then asleep then back to being awake again. About 2 hours later I wake up to find the channel changed and, to my complete and utter amazement, there's a loon. Not just your average loon; your daytime, Trisha loon but the full Monty, tin foil wrapped around his head and everything. I mean he's an off-worlder. He started in on how 'they' were investigating some low level radio interference, disrupting the reception in 'their' bit of space, and tracked it down to our planet. Ok so far? How 'they' had a little bit of a problem with their space craft and had to leave one behind, him!
So what's so unusual? Well for one, the fact that they were investigating interference in 'their' bit of space. I started to listen a bit more carefully, intentionally and the more I listened he had raised a point and a good point too!
Oh, no doubt this bloke was a certifiable loon, but the word he used was 'infected' and also 'how we allow our environment to be flooded with this type radiation, also just how noisy this planet is: 'It was easy
to track back to this planet??'
'How do you do that?' said the interviewer
'Ho, that's so easy. We just used a chronological time frame to track back to here.' said the Tin foil loon. So the loon was using his mind there, then. I couldn't help thinking 'something wrong here'. The tin foil was putting me off. Then he said something else;
'Ho, the tin foil is to stop the mobile phone radiation, nothing else really.' So that's all it was for, no other sort of radiation. Now I was worried! The loon had a sort of logic behind his madness. One quick experiment was required. I placed my mobile phone inside some tin foil and wrapped it up. Then, on a landline, called my mobile phone. Nothing, it didn't ring! So the loon was right!
The bank holiday was looking up at last! For those wishing to make one of these tin foil hats here's a link... zapatopi.net and another link... tinfoilhats
So I was warming to the loon on the TV, tin foil in all. His dress sense left a lot to the Oxfam School of fashion but still he was on a
mission to educate all around himself to the fact that we really don't
know what this sort of radiation does to the body. Recently we have been
told to only use our mobile phones for short periods of time and not to
let the under eights use them at all, but it appears we have the answer to the conundrum; nothing any more technological than some tin foil, placed on your noodle and patted into a comfy shape. Plain and simple, but it will cost to make it fashionable. Just to get Beckham to wear one of these might cost us an arm and a leg but it could be worth it just to see him in it. Ahh, just the thought of it!
Still the interviewer carried on asking a lot of stupid questions; asking about where his planet is situated - by the accent, Hendon I think, it was a north London one - and the loon answered them in a controlled, measured way, telling the interviewer all about his home planet (yep it's Hendon). Then a thought slid into my head. What if we are the only bloody planet in the whole of the universe with life on it and we're the top of the chain? Nothing else and I'm watching a loon from Hendon saying he's from another planet. Who's the loon; me for watching or him for believing he's from another planet? I have a strange feeling I'm being watched. The loon and I make eye contact through the TV tube and I run for the tin foil in the kitchen!
