h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Police report:

The suspect, Irish Stew, operates under a variety of aliases in and around the city of liverpool. The suspect operates in disguises to evade detection. Intelligence has uncovered three different aliases;

1) SCOUSE. this is the classic Irish Stew operating under its Liverpool nomen and is indistinguishable from the native Irish form. Watch out for seasonings of salt and pepper and an accompaniment of cold pickled red cabbage.

2) BLIND SCOUSE. This version omits all meat and is described as "aceptable by vegetarians". The lamb or mutton content is replaced by anything else you have to hand, ie more carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, swede, turnip.

3) LOBSCOUSE. we have alerted colleagues in other forces that this suspect is not just confined to Liverpool but is also found in other coastal ports, especially along the East coast of England and for some reason in Norfolk. This replaces meat with seafood. The seafood content varies according to afluence and availability, but generally incorporates the cheapest possible cuts, ie cod cheeks. The class of low-level offender known as the Student has been known to throw in a pack of cheap fifsh fingers, on the grounds that the breadcrumb coating disintegrates into the stew and adds more body, leaving the fish, such as it is, to break down naturally. however, white-collar offenders with more income and pretences to sophistication have been known to use the Class-A controlled fish known as lobster. (UPDATE: the Norfolk Constabulary advise us that in places like Cromer and Sheringham, it is not unknown for the sailors themselves to use lobster and crab. But unlike dinner parties in Hampstead, at least they have an excuse to).

Interpol also has intelligence that Lobscouse could be seen as a British peasant take on bouillabaise. Inferior to the French sort, naturally.

All Together Now: Irish Stew, in the name of the Law!