During the current US Presidential election campaign, I've visited a lot of American political websites. Whilst looking at some right-wing sites, I was fascinated to see ads for 'Republican singles' - dating agencies that promised to match up people of a similar, pro-President Bush persuasion.

I was rather touched by the thought of all these poor, lonely reactionaries. After all, if you follow a political philosophy that's all about looking after Number One, it must be all too easy to end up alone. I imagined them getting together over candlelit dinners, gazing into each other's eyes and tenderly whispering conservative things to one another: 'Darling, I love you like I love my gun', or 'Dearest, you're almost as precious to me as my tax cuts'. That sort of thing.

Anyway, I got to imagining the sort of love song a Republican single might sing to the object of his desires. Naturally, it is written from the point of view of a man addressing a woman, since American right-wingers don't seem to have much time for homosexuals or assertive women. So it reflects what seems to me to be a characteristic right-wing male attitude to women.

Maestro, strike up the band...

I've had a deficit, I've been frustrated,
Just like my country, I'm too isolated.
Nobody likes me and no-one will lay me,
It's got me cursin', just like Dick Cheney.

Unlike my President, I've never lied,
I'll always want you by my supply side.
So come on, honey, and get on your back –
Wanna invade you like we did Iraq.

It won't be long now 'til George drops the bomb,
I read it on fascist-fruitcake.com,
So come on baby, and gimme a portion,
(But best be careful – we're banning abortion).

Pay differentials we like to maintain,
It's just too bad if they've caused you some pain,
We know the difference between sons and daughters:
I get full wages, and you get three-quarters.

I heard big Arnie, now I understand,
I've gotta prove that I'm no 'girlie man',
So come on, darlin', you know how to please:
Like the economy – down on your knees.

It could be grander than our GOP:
One nation under God, you under me.
You've got me ravin' just like big fat Rush,
So come on sweetheart, and show me your Bush.

Ormy's 'Notes' and Other Scribblings

Ormondroyd

14.10.04 Front Page

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