h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What about the situation when people do find their soul-mate but they are already with someone else who doesn't really love them. It's kind of b********d-up isn't it.
Sometimes I despari with the human race.

I am Bob and what happens is that A loves B; B loves C; C loves D etc. Loves is not likes mathematics. It is not reciprocal although people claim that it is. That is why people are always falling in and out of loves EVERYDAY.
Bob Obwang'i (not sick but optimistic)

So in other words,

LIFE IS SHT!!!

Accept it and move on.

It's a good philosophy, hard to put into practice though.

But...whatever the circumstances you are in, coming across your soulmate is such heavenly bliss...

.....hmmmmm...... but what happens if someone thinks that you are their soulmate, and all you want to do is have harmless fun?

The "soulmatedness" has been declared! Hate to dump this on you Ben (I'm drunk!) but I am sooooo in love!! What can I do?

No worries about the drunkenness - I am about to pour my third vodka.

So what has happened? You have found your soulmate - but they dont feel the same way? (ie the opposite of what happened to me?)

[email protected]

We feel the same way (he said naively!!).

Unrequited love sucks. But rather than treat it as a test to your own character treat it as as a usefull signpost. What happens when someone desperatly loves someone and the other person only sees them as a friend -ah ha! Its Worse because as a 'friend' they know your character quite well as opposed to a random person you just pick up in a club and can fob their rejection off as 'they dont know me etc...But in the case of a friend its different and soul destroying The rejectee that person starts to look at him or herself and trying to find what is wrong with themselves etc etc and spiral into a deep abyss of misery and despair (why am I not good enough? Whey the others and not me etc? Cant they see its all wrong...why cant they see the light? etc. etc..)

Bad karma.

Here are a couple of rules to cope with unrequited love

1) Its NOT REAL. This may seem harsh but its true. Its not LOVE- its a CRUSH. This does not mean that your feelings are not sincere-of course they are. But it does mean that the other person does not-maybe even cannot share it. And thats that. For love to work it needs 2 (hey! times that by 21 and it makes..oh no thats a pointless idea) and you're just one half. Somewhere along the line you find an attachment to them because they can provide something to your unconcious side. The problem is that you dont. Don't take this badly but you dont have what it takes to fufill their own needs-or at least the ones directed to their amourous needs. This is why when some of the supposed soul mates say they " wish only to be friends..." it means that you are fufilling their friendship needs and not their love needs.

STOP PINING AND SUCK THAT ENERGY IN NOW!

2) Yes!!!-that precisely it!!!-unrequited love is a sap on your energy-all that ardour and passion is simply going to waste, or in the more acute cases turned inwards and causing emotion overload and is a force for good turned destructive because it has been channeled wrong. Stop it. It takes a lot of will power to shake yourself free from this self imposed spell you have cast on yourself. Powered by love (that crazy emotion that has levelled entire countys in the past and ruined and made the lives of countless men-) this means that it has unrivled potency.
But ultimatly its mischanneled. In your case Its like a powerstation attached to one single broken lightbulb!

YOU NEED BETTER THAN THIS-THEY ARE NOT YOUR SOUL MATE.AND EVEN IF THEY WERE IN POTENTIAL TRUST ME IT DOES NOT MAKE IT IDEAL-TRUST ME ON THIS

3) This is a singular truth. If you spend all your time and energy one person who will not or cannot fufill those needs-you are missing out on a hell of a lot of people who would probably just fall in love with your smile, (except that you have a frown at the moment so they cant see it) gather that energy and LET THEM GO!

To illustrate my point watch Indiana Jones and the last Crusade- the scene towards the end of the film where Indy falls in the crack and desperatly tries to reach the holy grail-the cup of Christ that he has been questing for which he used to heal his dad after he had been shot by a nasty nazi. He tries to reach it but he falls in. His father grabs him and says something like

"Give me your other hand boy I cant hold you...
"I almost have it father, its almost in my grasp" says indy struggling to rach the grail but slipping futher in the abyss
"Indiana...." Indy turns startled. Its the first time ever his father has called him by his name.
" Indiana.." the father smiles and says gently "...let it go."
Indiana smiles and climbs up and they both run out of the temple covered in dust

IF suffering from unrequited love watch this scene again and again and apply it to your own situation. Even if you have found your "soul mate" you are missing the point. If its not for you are doing yourself more harm than good. Let it go and go after another adventure (take a rest- first-even indiana Jones need one).

Was your unrequited love wasted? No the energy that you put into a broken ligtbulb that has alredy served its purpose. This situation will have taught you something. At the very least

4) Just because you think someone is right for you, it does mean that its meant to be. Try and recognise what your personal needs are. What the f**k did Indiana need the grail for then? to put in a museum!? it had served its purpose to heal his father who by the way is the only person who was keeping him alive-and he is gonna risk his life for it! His father who had devoted his life to the search of the grail was telling him essentially let it go-he was much more precious than a grail which if taken out of the temple would become just a simple cup. Your love is much more precious than the person who you are fixed one. They have served their purpose. When you do find someone it will click because their needs and your needs will be compatible. Sounds cheesy, you may have read it a zillion times in every agony aunt article ever printed, but unless you can provide that certain special something for them then you are doing a great diservice to yourself. Why be connected to a lightbulb (yeah and if its your soul ligtbulb? so what!) when you can be connected to an entire city. Leave her/him alone and try and find someone else because you can rest assured that if you desperatly need this person because they provide one of your needs then someone else desperatly needs YOU because you can provide one of theirs. But Now you may find that they cant provide for YOUR unconcious needs. How would you feel then? But how are you ever going to find out if you dont look. If you look hard enough you will the right person

THE RIGHT PERSON BY THE WAY IS WHAT YOU SHOULD LOOK FOR. THIS IS SOMETHING MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR IDEAL LOVE.

Making mistakes about who you love teaches you what YOU NEED for your own fufillment. You may even find people who are 'right', but may not be right forever as people change.You may even find that what you thought was your need well isnt-and a person that was probably right for you first of all but beacause your needs change the relationship isnt the same. There are LOTS of right people out there. The combination of need combinations are endless as you have more than one need.

Love on the whole is not exact. Its fitfull irrational and tempremental

But when you do find someone I can guarantee that your passion WILL NOT be as great as for your unrequited love at the moment there may be not that intensity-but it will flow harmoniously and creativly and guess what you probably will not change it for the world. If there is one rule that tells you about when a person MAY be right for you its this

LOVE IS NOT MEANT TO HURT . IF IT HURTS LET IT GO. GO OUT AND TRY AND FIND THAT SPECIAL RIGHT PERSON. OH AND YES-YOU REALLY ONLY HAVE A LIMITED LIFE SO YOU MAY SEE THAT TO FIND THEM YOU MUST START NOW!!!!!

Techniques suggested
1) -watch that Indy film scene
2) If finding a problem with those chaotic negative images and feelings surfacing in your mind, try and imagine those people having a crap-you really need to see that they really are mortal
3) If you are still a bit bitter-ie beacause you realise that the other person does need you , but they are too stupid to see it. Let it go and stop wasting your time on them. But remember that when you do that special person give them first seats to the matrimony and hope they turn green with envy when they see what a big heart you have and how you are getting on so well without them. This especially applies to women who have a habit of stringing a guy along with teases, the poor chap then falling desperatly in love. Then telling him they only want to be friends beacause he'e far too nice and "I dont see you in that way, I see you as a friend/brother/wet hankerchief etc etc

(written by someone who overcame unrequited love when he realised that he lost someone who was probably right for him because of the unrequited love taking up so much of his time. He now feels like the stupid idiot he is but on the whole is still optimistic because he now sees things a lot more clearly. He will try NEVER to make that mistake again)

Exactly, EXACTLY!

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Write an article on the subject, people need to know. The word must be spread to reduce world suffering!

PS. IJ & the Last crusade does have quite a cool ending but I prefer the end to Raiders' cos' all the nazi's heads explode. (okay its less of a metaphor for heartwrenching rejection but is entertaining nonetheless)

oh god
it's such a pain
What if that other person thinks you're fantastic, but says the chemistry isn't there!
Doh!
"Your like a brother to me...."
aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh
anyway...
I think it might be to do with intelligence- People fall in love with people that seem more intelligent or interesting or profound than them, someone that can teach them thingsand show them new experiences. Obviously this means that the person that is the recipetent probably feels (subconciously) that the other person does not hold the same kind of position.
Et voila!
I think that people maybe learn to compromise and so put up with it not being wonderful. Maybe it's because they realise that if they don't compromise, they'll end up on their own...
Sad isn't it.