h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, gosh, this takes me back! I can still remember where I first heard 'All I want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague away kit' (every goal a hotly disputed penalty!).

I must admit, not being a football fan, I didn't know that Dukla Prague no longer exist, but the thought of fans going into a shop in Prague asking for a non-existent away kit is really funny!

Now where is my LP?

The woman in the shop knows the song well. I imagine that HMHB fans are her largest source of income.

It's a strange place - a wee, dingy cubbyhole down a side alley somewhere between the Old Town Square and the Vltava. I could probably find it again by nose, but I'm not sure I could give reliable directions.

Of course, I was verrrr verrrrr drunk!

Oh, - how long ago was it, Edward? (I see you've joined the protest against iCan (over)moderation!

May 2003. And I've an interesting story involving an ethical pornographer and a Russian hitman too.

Gosh, you did have an exciting time! Do you want to say more?

I've only been to Prague twice.

The first time was in 1991, when my wife and I travelled Frankfurt/Vienna/Budapest/Prague/Frankfurt. In Prague we stayed in a flat in a district whose name sounded remarkably similar to my own (real) name. It's an amazing city. There's a gorgeous building wherever you look. And the beer is to die for.

Then a couple of years ago I spoke at a conference there - and coincidentally stayed in the same district. I had a wild time! The best part was when I went with some fellow delegates to a microbrewery/ restaurant. As we were leaving, I piled them into a taxi and announced that I would walk back to the hotel. I only got a block when I passed an interesting looking bar and went in. Immediately I noticed a certain herbal pungency to the atmosphere. As I sipped my excellent Czech beer, I overheard and joined in with a loud discussion about the war with, as it turned out, a Texan and a Greek dental student. After a while, the Texan introduced me to his business partner, who was from Manchester. After a while, I asked him what business he was in, and he said 'Porn.' And he told me about his 'ethical' business approach (he does not solicit involvement - prospective performers have to approach him - and does not give directions on what acts to perform. Plus all his contracts are equal profit splits between him, his partners and the performers. It's up to the performers to do what they feel happy with to turn a decent profit). He also introduced me to his wonderful flatmate, Veronika. She and I turned out to be soulmates with a shared love of Anthony Burgess, and we are still in touch. Over the course of the evening, I witnessed a fist fight, and Veronika introduced me to an amiable Russian acquaintance, who spoke no English (Ah, Skhotlant! Kharasho!). She said he was 'The one who has permission to kill from the mafia.'

Ah, memories, memories! I got to bed at 4.30 am that morning and was giving my talk at 10. It went down a storm!

(Oh...and did I mention that I'd had a couple of hours' stopover at Schiphol which had given me the opportunity to collect 'supplies'? Later declared to be the finest ever smoked in Prague. I'm going through Prague airport in a business suit and carrying a letter of welcome from the Czech government. Are they going to search me? I don't think so! )

oh, !

What were you speaking about? Porn described as ethical? Well, I imagine it means he can claim to feel good about it. I've very mixed feelings about porn. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4305257.stm

'The one who has permission to kill from the mafia'

Never been to Prague, however everyone I've spoken to who has says it's a great place.

Funnily enough, I just came back from Prague. Unfortunately I didn't have time to find the football shop again, but last time I was there I bought a very nice Sparta Praha tankard that lasted for a good three months before I dropped it and smashed it...

"I can't stand any more, 'cos I can't stand any more"
-Friday Night And The Gates Are Low, which for my money is the most articulate summing-up ever of how the football culture I grew up knowing and loving has been changed beyond all recognition.

Oh, shame!

When I was little, I used to get into the local football club free at half time - I used to live opposite, so it wasn't a stretch to get there. Things have changed an awful lot since those days. I can remember going to see a football match with my brother years ago and being shocked that as away supporters we were treated as rather less than human - mind you - some of the football supporters were a few sandwiches short of a picnic.