h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Being half-German, I guess I'm half-qualified.
In no particular order, here are some random thoughts...

(1)When touring in the wine-growing regions, camping in one or all of the vineyards that sit on the banks of the Rhine is strongly recommended. When you get there, ensure that you wrinkle your nose at the sweet wines that are sold to tourists, express a bit of interest in dry wines, and bingo! you will be dragged into the wine racks by the delighted owners and forced to taste huge quantities of their best produce. Expect to be joined by half the staff and their families.

(2)Never, ever, walk on the grass. Ever.

(3)Never cross a pedestrian crossing when the man is red, even if nothing is coming. On the other hand, crossing where there is no official crossing-place is perfectly acceptable.

(4)Old ladies expect you to give way, especially if you are young and at the head of a long queue. Polite shouting and sharp elbows are the best defence.

(5)If you are in Munich, get up early one day, go to the market in the centre of town, and obtain a "Weisswurst". You must go in the morning, because by midday they are past their best. They are white sausages made from the white fatty gunk that runs out of the pig when they cut it's throat, and taste very nice. Try one, you will be surprised.

(6)Never, ever spend an entire evening drinking 'Altbier'. It is very nice but gives you a pounding hangover.

(7)If you get caught up in a bar where drinking songs are being sung, do not hide behind your beer hoping that nobody will notice you. It is far more acceptable to join in. Of course nobody expects you to know the words, you're a foreigner, so just wave your beer around and make appropriate singing noises during the choruses.

(8)In what used to be the West, it is much, much better to be thought a foreign tourist than a foreign worker. Unemployment is a big problem and feelings against 'foreigners taking our jobs' run high.

(9)In Hamburg, get onto one of the harbour tour boats (havenrundfahrt). They are well worth it, as these are some of the biggest shipbuilding yards in the world, and your little grockle boat is dwarfed by the shipping that is in dock. Awe inspiring.

(10)"Planten und Blomen" in Hamburg is a horticultural park, a bit like Kew Gardens. At dusk in the summer months, go to the fountains (near the "Telemichel" - see below). They have coloured lights beneath them, and in the evenings for an hour or so they dance to music played over loudspeakers across the lake.

(11)The "Telemichel" is Hamburg slang for their telecommunications tower. There is a rotating restaurant (with an excellent menu) at the top, from which it is possible to look down on "Planten und Blomen", the Olympic Village, and also plummeting bungee-jumpers. On a summer's day it is often also possible to look down on swarms of hot-air balloons.

Hmmmmm, I'm off to bed now. I'll be happy to expand on any of these if you're interested. Feel free to mail me about these or any other aspects of Germany or it's culture. I won't promise to know the answers, but I should have a reasonable idea.

We often here about the 'alternative' Germany as reflected in Goodbye to Berlin/Cabaret. How much of this is around today?