h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Smoking is cool....1 in 3 people (from kindergarten on up) is a smoker in Berlin. Cigarette promotions are held in bars, and asking for a non-smoking seat in a restaurant will be met with blank looks.

Except in Berlin, where service doesn't extend to blank looks. Expect a disdainful stare from the bar area where the staff are enjoying a drink.

Tipping is usually the 'odd' monies. ie a beer costing DM4.50 costs DM5 with tip.

Public transport is excellent all over Germany although it's cheaper to rent a car and drive for long distances than it is to take the train.

Credit and debit cards are not as widely accepted in Germany as in the UK, Oz, USA etc. Cash is always welcome, even the Pfennig is the subject of a campaign to keep it in circulation.

Also the subject of a campaign, but I'm not sure how it turned out, was the Ampolmanchen - the little green figure telling you it's safe to cross the road. In the old days of the east/west divide The DDR benefited from the services of a very jaunty little figure, complete with hat and, in one case (Erfurt, I think), an umbrella. Due to EU standardisations the figure was to be replaced with the generic international version and people all over the east were up in arms.

Contrary to popular myth Germans are generally very friendly and hospitable people, all the more so in the East. It's perfectly normal if you're in a crowded restaurant to squeeze onto a table with a few complete strangers.

Indian restaurants in Germany are crap - because German food is very bland and there's not much of a demand for late-night chicken vindaloo. The mainstay of the German fast food industry is the Doner Kebab, served by Turkish immigrants, or their descendants, who can't get German citizenship no matter how long they have been in the country. I met a German Turk who had to serve two years in the Turkish army in order to get a passport, even though he was born and grew up in Bonn.

When buying fruit and veg in a German supermarket weigh your own produce, push the button corresponding to what you're buying and afix the resulting sticky label on the plastic bag. It's not cool to have seperate bags for everything, put your potatoes in with your carrrots and beans with all the labels on the outside. Bring your own bag to carry your shopping in and don't forget to recycle.

Recycling is very big. Biodegradeable rubbish gets taken away and composted, glass is melted down (bottles generally have a deposit) and re-used and most packaging bears the "green point" which indicates that it can also be recycled. Sorting rubbish is an occupation in Germany, usually reserved for Yugoslavian refugees and young Irish girls (except when they're serving beer in Germany's thriving Irish Pubs!)

I don't know how much work there is available now but only a couple of years ago I had no trouble keeping busy. Even though adult unemployment was as high as 18% in some areas I still found my German workmates to be friendly and welcoming - especially once they were sure that I wasn't working for peanuts to keep their friends out of work.

Nudism is acceptable in many public parks. Picture the first sunny day in May, half a dozen naked men trying to convince themselves that it's warm enough to be sunbathing and a little old lady in a coat and furry hat out walking her dog and not paying them the slightest bit of attention.

Drinking in public (or at work) is also cool and the police, although they don't stand any abuse, are generally pretty lenient.

That's all I have time for at the moment, except for.....

Advice for people thinking of visiting Germany: Go there.

Okay, so you want to get a Döner Kebab. I've been in this situation for a long time now(I'm an exchange student from America living in Berlin for the past year) and there are some things you should know:

1. "Einmal Döner bitte." is the standard German. If you want some good treatment, try ordering your Döner in Turkish! Just muster up some courage, take a deeeep breath, and say "Bir tane döner kebab lütfen!" Which means, one Döner please!

2. If your German isn't great, don't worry about it. Chances are you're on an even playing field with the cooking staff. If they ask you about sauce, etc, just make some kind of facial expression. Gesture. Nod. They'll take care of everything.

3. Get it with sheep cheese! (Schafskäse) One Mark extra, and worth every Pfennig. Not available everywhere, but boy does it taste great.

Enjoy your Kebab!