h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Support to Team, have lost sight of Red Mutts. Continue with extraction? over.

(radio) Operative 1 to Support 1, proceed with caution. Exfil from library. repeat, exfil from library. Out.

(radio) Hello, all stations, this is Operative 1. Exfil from library asap. Repeat, Make ready for immediate exfil. Out.

*njan grabs the suitcase of ransom money, leaving the ghost trap. He drops the ectopack, and puts several rounds of ammunition in it for good measure. It seeps ectoplasm, which melts the pack away, and corrodes a small hole in the library floor. He then makes a dash for the library exit, ransom money on his back, and cradling his g36k*

*gets out his grapple hook and swings out the window, over the head of a few studants*



*hits the deck and runs to the library exit*

(radio) Rifle 1, Team, we got the money. Let's go. Out.

(gsv) Begin extraction sequence ASAP!

*All team members are instantly replaced by reflective ovoids which quickly contract and disappear*

*throws the customary card through a trans-warp conduit*

[card]

--- The h2g2 Mercenaries ---
It was a pleasure doing buisness with you!

For Assasinations to "Xenophobic French Minister Massacres", we're the people to use! Get us at the h2g2 space station cantina (A368093). We also do revenge attacks (according to Captain Venom).

*axe's hologram appears...*

I just love doing those

*...and then disappears again*

*the old business card disappears along with CV, and a new one appears*
-----The H2G2 Mercenaries-----
Everybody has their price. We advertise it. For all your special operations needs, contact us at A725726 and, if you're pissed off about our attack on you, we do revenge.

*there is a muttering sound from deep underground*

*the business card somehow falls into the sewer system in a waterproof pouch*

*the muttering increases*

*the toilets magically stop flushing and scuba tanks float down with another card*
It reads:
Reds: We got the money, RD1 will soon be allowed to return to his normal life, and you will be allowed to dry off. I don't want to know what's in that water. There's a manhole 100 yards down the tunnel. Have a good time.

Ex-Rambling awakens, and realizes she's gooked up and sitting on a ghost trap. She dives into her own pocket, and disappears...

...coming out of Uncle Heavy's cell phone. He is surrounded by students who, having paniced and rushed out of the Library, see the . They stop, staring. can't resist.

BOO!!!

The students freak out and rush back into the library, trampling the trap. In their panic, one of them kicks the backpack of ammunition, which has been teetering at the edge of the hole in the library floor, sending it crashing through the window. As it sails up into the air, it explodes, showering the campus with leaflets advertising for the H2G2 Mercenaries.

*a hologram of CV appears* Hon. ex-R, we have taken the ransom money. Expect the prompt release of the original Red Dog from our GSV. Hope the trap didn't hurt too much, and thank you for spreading our ad leaflets. *the holo blinks out*

*the original buisness card disappears and a new one takes its place*

--- The h2g2 Mercenaries ---
It was a pleasure doing buisness with you!

For Assasinations to "Xenophobic French Minister Massacres", we're the people to use! You can visit our sales-centre at A725726, or wait around until someone hires us to blow you up. We also do revenge attacks (according to Captain Venom).

Oh, and the old card was lying.

*mutters*
Stupid address changes. One of these days the Royal Mail'll start using its "Forwarding" system properly.

i missed alll that. oh well. wont need this then

*looks at lit black bomb. chucks it over his shoulder*

*the bomb predictably rolls down the nearest drain into the sewer system where there is a dull thud, a blast of noxious air and increased muttering from below*

*axe's hologram appears*
I kinda like these things .
*presses a button by his waist*
*the hologram disappears*
*it reappears again*

I wonder who's making that muttering noise.

*consults dictionary*

Ahhh Muttering - exclamatory, from the sound made by unhappy mutts.

*Pulls out steakaliser, reverses fan. Large fan sucks smoke out of the sewer and drops a big, juicy steak into the tunnel. It lands on a fairly clean shelf, waiting.*

*the sound of lip licking echoes upwards*

Ah, the Steakaliser! It was a good day when I invented that...