A Conversation for Teenage Depression
smileychampagne Started conversation Jan 22, 2007
I went through this sort of thing a little when I was about 12. It was just after I had my first period (sorry to get personal lol) and we were on our way to my great uncles funeral. I'd never been that close to him but I suddenly freaked out. I was just sitting in the car next to mum, and suddenly started thinking about death, and it seemed so much closer. I started crying, and mum pulled over and asked what the matter was. I came out with 'I don't want you to die!'. She was about 50 at the time, so not old age or anything, but it just seemed to me that maybe it wouldn't be so long before she died. And then I'd be alone. I really depend upon her, as it's just me and her living together. We're friends as well, and I've had to do my best to provide company for her since my dad left.
All my feelings welled up inside me: I'm not a little girl any more, I'm growing up. I don't want to grow up, I just want to stay young, innocent, carefree etc forever. Peter Pan has a new meaning for me now. Mum tried to convince me that every stage of life is fun, and I know she's right. Just the thought of having to leave behind little childish games, harmless giggles, no 'relationship' troubles. For ages, every morning I woke up with a stomach ache. One of those stomach aches you only get when you're really worried about something. I couldn't eat much, and I regularly cried myself to sleep. And I was helpless. There was nothing I could do to stop myself growing older. Gradually however I managed to push the feelings back down.
I'm 15 now, and just writing this reminds me off it. I still don't want to grow up, but at the same time I cannot WAIT to see what my life's going to be like. It could be anything. I've decided I'm going to be rich.. Easier said than done, yeah yeah, but hey. I want to have money, as so far me and mum have had to move house so many times because of money troubles. I don't know if I went through depression when I was 12 or not. But whatever it was, it felt like hell, and I hope I don't experience it again in my later teens.
Has anyone else been through something similar??
I really hope somebody reads this, and if anyone is reading, sorry i went on for so long!!
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