h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My two worst picnics:

1. Forgot that if you put pizza side-ways
on in a cool box that all the topping slides
off and lands in the bottom.
(Still tastes ok though)

2. Ate in the New Forest (England)
with ponies chewing the car door handles
and wiping their noses on the windows.

Just thought you might all like to know!

What category am I? Crap Picnicer?
I tend to have a small rucksack with everything squashed in so we have squashed sarnies . There are usually tomatoes and a pack of choccie biccies and never enough to go round.

Sounds a bit like me.

My ideal picnic basket. Row of cans of beer. Ice. Row of sandwiches. Row of beer. Ice. Row of other goodies - chicken, fruit, meat. Row of beer. Ice. You can usually squeeze a couple of bottles of wine down the sides of the basket.

I find that I usually try to be really organised but end up bringing some things that just don't get used (such as board games and obscure condiments) but balance that off with forgetting to take other things that are really difficult to get by without (like a blanket or cups).

I had a very similar experience to your 2nd worst ever picnic.
Except that it was in South Wales and involved a sheep.
Can anyone tell me why is it that no how carefully you pack the sandwiches, they always get squashed? Especially egg ones.

Try packing the sandwiches surrounded by cans of beer for protection.

In New Zealand, a native parrot, the Kea, stars in a TV commercial for an insurance company. While the picnickers are away from their car a flock of keas destroy the car. The large-beaked birds are attracted to rubber window/door seals, windscreen wipers etc and peck away at them. The commercial is based on fact.