h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've got an Idiot stick.

When an unsuspecting fool walks past me, I whip out my 'Idiot Stick' and hit them accross the backs of their legs, repeatedly shouting "bloody idiot! That'll teach you for being so smarmy, Tintin!".

Or, maybe I don't.

Perhaps you should hit people with an idiot stick. It seems only fair to recognize these talented people for their contribution to society. You see, an idiot has a very important place in society. The idiot, and especially the village idiot, plays a very important roll in his community. As an idiot, I must defend this honored tradition.
Our job as idiots is to allow you to feel better about yourselves. Everyone has those things about themselves that they are not proud of, but the idiot can make you feel better about these areas. Every time you do something stupid, at least you have us to look to and say to yourself, "at least I'm not like that idiot". The fact that so many people are treated by psychiatrists is due mostly to the decline in the number of professional idiots. I must admit there is still a vast pool of idiots to choose from, however, most deny their idiocy and cause confustion in society.
Our job as idiots is to make the rest of you feel better about your pitiful lives. It is time for the idiots of our country to take pride in their calling. Let the idiots of the world unite and create a happier world for everyone. We need no longer hide behind the masks of normal people, but stand tall in society, as well as proudly trip, lay down on sidewalks, and talk to people about things that make absolutely no sense. Never let anyone put you down for being an idiot, you can do that much more affectively by yourself.

Hurrah for Idiots!