h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Almost as interesting as swearing are the various confabulations and tortuous verbal postures adopted to remain on the right side of decent. My father used routinely to exclaim 'Cheese and rice' (for Jesus Christ), or 'By the blood and stomach pills'. 'Crumpets' is also heard, and I came across 'Chrimitey' for the first time - an Americanism, I think - in the Rugrats movie.

A New Yorker friend of mine, finding his local deli had run out of blueberry muffins one day, teetered on the brink of an obscenity. 'Sssh -' he expostulated slowly. 'I think you mean "Shoot",' said the person serving him.

'No,' said my friend, 'what I had in mind requires a vowel movement.'

You think this trivial? Just think what a bad taste Shakespeare's Hamlet would leave in the mouth if, at the end, Fortinbras had said, 'Go, bid the archers s**t.'

I can see why it would leave a bad taste in the mouth, but diverse and eclectic as my interests are, coprophagy is not among them.