The h2g2 Poem
Created | Updated Nov 5, 2007
Four Guys and a Tire
'Twas through the countryside that fateful day
We were driving along on our merry way
Myself and three gents who I did know
With no particular place to go
With time on our hands and nothing to do
We set off to visit someone we knew
Just four young roughnecks in their prime
On a collision course with fate this time
The hum of the engine was suddenly drowned
By a rumbling wobbling kind of a sound
And the driver had to grip the wheel
And pull to the right our chariot of steel
'We've got a flat,' said a rider in the back,
'I hope you've a spare and a good working jack.'
'No problem,' we thought as we grabbed the crowbar
Four strong lads should soon fix this car
Oh yes, we were all nearing twenty or so
And testosterone raced through our veins, don'tcha know
This tire will just be a cakewalk to us
We won't need to wait for the next passing bus
One bloke jacked the car up while another got busy
Loosening the nuts on this old Tin Lizzie
And that's about where the plan went downhill
When we tried to bend the machine to our will
His biceps were bulging and that's not me lying
And his face turned bright red with the effort of trying
'These lug nuts won't turn!' Claimed the guy at the wheel
'Aw, you're just a weakling! Give a real man that steel!'
'Move over, you sissy, while another one tries.'
We were eager for the chance to show off our size
So one by one we heaved and we ho-ed
But the tire just sat there and handled the load
Till finally one of us broke through the rust
And the nut spun around on the lug so we just
Went on to the next one and repeated the show
'One down boys, but we've four more to go!'
And maybe a half of an hour past that
We finally got down to the fifth nut and sat
'Cause that was the moment the tire did scoff
Seems the nuts might be spinning but they weren't coming off
'Now what do we do? We can't solve our plight
If we can't get the dang thing to budge from the site!'
'No problem,' said one, 'cause on my back porch,
There stands my dad's new acetylene torch!'
So off for the torch and a truck he did hark
And soon was back scorching the roadside with sparks
It took only minutes to melt off the lugs
But the tire stood fast with the hardiest of tugs
Again we tested our brawn and condition
All four of us at once in all sorts of positions
'We've got no further!' we began to despair
When another said 'Hey, what we need is that there!'
And we looked where he pointed and sure enough
The light bulb went on in each head and lit up
'Let's hook up a tow chain from the truck to the tire
And drive off apace to win our desire!'
You all know the saying, as sure as this rhyme
It seemed like a good idea at the time
So we did it and suddenly there was a crack
As the car it did totter then fell off the jack
But we'd not be that easily turned from the plan
We quickly did put the car back on the stand
'Yer weren't goin' fast enough, give us some more!'
The driver stomped the pedal all the way to the floor
They say that history repeats itself a lot
It's true if you count the six times the truck fought
With the tire but finally did win the day
And the car stayed put and the tire ran away
We all split the cost of the damages done
For the repair of the car when the mechanic said 'Son,
Some penetrating oil and twelve hours' time
Would have got the rim off without spending a dime.'
These days when I see a young man getting ready
To take on the world with his muscles so steady
I want to step in and tell him my tale
But I've been there before, and I know I would fail
Advice is just fine we all know, still and all
You may as well bang your head on a brick wall
Some times you learn more by the mistakes of others
But sometimes you learn more from the son of your mother