h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

not as commonly spoken about, eh? it seems to be sort of swept under the carpet, so to speak. my male friend and i discuss this on many occasion, and in all of my 26 years, he's the only one who hasn't made me (me being a female) feel odd or dirty for liking to touch myself. while he has admitted to "pleasing himself" (or attempting to) at least once a day for a period af about 13 years, i found myself a little surprised to be able to tell him that i have almost the same track record. any theories on why female masturbation isn't as out in the air?

I'm sure some would attribute it to male insecurity - a reluctance to accept that women might possibly be able to satisfy themselves without the aid of a man.

Or possibly it's because women's sexuality is so often portrayed as a means of controlling men rather than an end in itself, and masturbation doesn't really fit into that particular stereotype.

i'd agree with the issue of male insecurity. but it doesn't explain why women are so reluctant to admit it to eachother. i think there's a stigma about it...that makes a woman socially feel like she is "less than" if she does it, perhaps because men tend to make themselves more available, sexually. women generally want to add the emotion and the attachment, whereas masturbation is purely for sexual gratification.

Of course you can turn the insecurity argument on its head: men are less insecure about admitting the existence of their sexual urges than women are, so being fairly open about masturbation is relatively easy. Meanwhile women are sufficiently uncomfortable with it that they can only come to terms with this aspect of themselves indirectly, feeling the need to justify it through shibboleths of femininity such as emotional attachment and stability.

(Not that I actually believe that, I just always feel compelled to try and consider as many sides in a debate as possible...)

I di not know you fill so troubled with that. I found femininine masturbation highly arousing (and I mean as with my female partner, not as in erotic movies). I must confess that I'm very disapointed that my girlfriend does not do it, but that's because the previous one did. I feel a woman that does ot masturbate is like sexually crippled- maybe she doesn't like sex enough.

it's stated that 60% of all women masturbate. my question is, what's wrong with the other 40%?

proberbly to embarased to admit to it. any way 70% of statistics are made up on the spot so where does that get us.

Exactly? What's up with that? I think masturbation is one of the best things from my view-point as a female. If men can masturbate, why can't I? And I don't feel wrong saying that I do, because it's just a part of me. And if it IS only 60%, what the hell is going on with the rest of the female population? If it feels good, why not?

-Lena
Feminist and too young to be one.

nothing wrong at all. i've recently had the pleasure of becoming intimate with someone who actually ENJOYS the idea that a woman's libido can be as open as a man's, and enjoys the idea of my pleasing myself. in his opinion, it's a huge turn-on... a refreshing opinion for a man, i think.

...on another note, "too young to be a feminist"??? it's never too early to get started! i'm 26 and just touching the tip of the iceberg of feminism. ...just so long as it doesn't involve a hatred for the opposite sex, you know? otherwise, we'd be just as bad as those aspects which necessitate feminist thought.

Is it really such an unusual opinion for a man?

in my experience, unfortunately, yes. like i said, about the intimidation factor, or the feelings of inadequacy. much less fun than those who thoroughly enjoy watching a woman do her thing.

Watching can also be a very educational, as well as pleasureable, thing. If you want to make your partner feel good, look and learn .

...that's exactly what my friend says! according to him, it's akin to watching a tutorial...making mental notes for later.

...although we've decided that "getting off" a man is more formulated that for a female. with women, there are no hard, fast rules...only a few guidelines, but it's mostly improvisational, isn't it?

I agree that the mechanics of getting a guy off are probably more formulated, you can almost guarantee that if you do X, Y will happen. Not necessarily so with women, but yes, there are guidelines to be picked up. However, I would like to say here that watching the other way round can also help the degree of pleasure obtained in reaching Y .

Well I think it depends on your criteria for success with a man. The obvious one - bringing someone to orgasm - is easier to achieve. However I think because of this people often make the mistake of assuming that technique is unnecessary. It's not true - just because 'it worked' doesn't mean it couldn't be so much better!

just what I was trying to say , just 'cause you can get there don't mean you couldn't make the journey more enjoyable .

Incidentally - I considered myself a feminist at eleven. Never too early...

I've discussed masturbation, male and female, at length with my boyfriend; it mostly centred around his incredulity that I can get to orgasm in 45 seconds, whilst he takes 20 minutes. He asked to watch me on the tutorial basis - though I think he was also interested to see the 45 second trick.

A friend of mine claims never to have masturbated. Normally I would say "liar!" instantly as a matter of course, but with this particular individual I can well believe it; and yes, she is VERY tense...

Wow...even after twenty or so years, I haven't got it down to 45 seconds

Not one of my friends would dream of admitting to masturbation. Not that I would in their company, either...so there you go. Most likely we are all certain we are the odd one. In any case...there does seem to be much more talk about female masturbation than years ago, so there must be lots more women ready to discuss it.


P.S. to ellencherry...you seem to have a very good sense of your "room of the wolfmother wallpaper."

indeed! i love my wolfmother wallpaper.

and, until about 4 years ago, i would've never discussed masturbation with any of my female friends. but time has a way of solving mysteries...and with age comes a lot more comfort and acceptance. i have a very close female friends who talks about all things sexual, which opened me up to not being embarrassed about it, and i haven't been ever since.

but, yikes, 45 SECONDS!?!! myself, i need some kind of buildup....

WOW! is it consistantly 45 seconds? i usually need some kind of mental buildup first. one of my best (male) friends once painted designs on my stomach when i had my paints out one night, and i was shocked and surprised to find out how wet that made me when he was done. when he left, i remember it not taking long at all...but do i count the 20 minutes it took for him to paint me?!?