h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There once was a mathematician
Who enjoyed an exotic position
'Twas the joy of his life
To achieve with his wife
Topologically Complex Coition

(I don't know where I heard that one.)

And tickles the odd luscious breast.

*blushes* I didn't really say that, did I?

Here's one for you all

A man from John Smith & co.
Loudly declared he would tho.
Person he found,
Dumping muck on their ground,
The locals, therefore, didn't do.

or

There was a young Vampire named Mabel,
whose periods were reg'lar and stable,
so ev'ry full moon,
with the help of a spoon,
she rank herself under the table!

A guy with a chicken and feather
Was cross 'cause he didn't know whether
To use the whole bird...
Or was that too absurd?
But his partner just strained at the tether.

A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot or
To tutor two tooters to toot?"

Anyone know who wrote it?

Excellent

Attributed to Peter Sellers at times:

Ther was a young man form Cathay
On a slow boat to China one day,
He was trapped near the tiller
By a sex crazed gorilla
And China's a very long way

On the chest of a barmaid from Sale
Were tattooed all the prices of ale
Whilst on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was exactly the same, but in Braille

I particularly enjoy Edward Gorey's limericks, like

The babe gave a cry brief and dismal
As it fell in the water baptismal.
Ere they'd gathered its plight
It had sunk out of sight,
For the depth of the font was abyssmal.

How about...

Which his lice far prefer to infest.

- a bit unsavoury perhaps, but it made me laugh!

There was a young lady from Thrace
Who's corsets no longer would lace
Her mother said "Nelly
There's more in your belly
Than ever went in through your face".

A girl who weighed many an oz
Used language I dare not pron'oz
For a fellow unkind
Pulled her chair out behind
Just to see, so he said, if she'd b'oz.



There was a young bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When they said it was so
He replied, "Yes, I know,
But I always make it a habit to put just as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

Both from The Crack a Joke Book.

Three of my very favourties:

There was a young lady named Hall
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught on fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section, and all.

I know a young girl whose frigidity
does approach cataleptic rigidity,
Till you buy her a drink,
When she'll rapidly sink
To state of compliant liquidity.

There was a young lady at sea
Who complained, "How it hurts me to pee!"
"Oh I see!" said the mate,
"That accounts for the state
Of the captain, the purser, and me."

Why no mention of the original Nantucket limerick?

I also see no sign of the young man from Kent.

Anonymouse? That's a name from history. I last saw you around probably over two years ago.

What happened to the young man from Kent?

TRiG.

Yes, it is. It's also a from history -- 'Tis I, 'Nonnie, back to torment you again for a spell. As for the young man from Kent, until it's moderated, the answer lies here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/FFM63419?thread=120392&skip=2340&show=20#p103827123