h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One thing's for certain - if your bed is up against a wall, it's the right side that you won't be able to get to.

The right (directional) side of my bed goes out a third story window. Some days, I think that it may in fact BE the right side...

I always get up on the right side of the bed. For me, that's the left side. My wife often gets up on the wrong side of the bed, even though it's the right side. Invariably she has a bad day, thus proving that left is right, and right is wrong .

When we get up at the same time, we create a disruption in the time/space continuum, which negates all of the positive and negative forces, providing us with a null effect. This can be best explained with the following formula:

B(2)-x/zzz

Naturally, I haven't the faintest idea what that means, but from now on, (and for the sake of safety) we will both crawl to the foot of the bed to get up.

I guess the zzz is the noise of you sleeping.
The answer is bedsocks. Feng Shui, Acupuncture and Origami combined can turn your life around.
Buy a pair of bedsocks each and then wear them every day for a week. Your energy - which can be seen leaving the pointy bits of your body (particularly the ends of your feet) is then collected in the bed socks.
You have to work out whether it is better to remove them before or after you get out of bed. Trial and error is good.
Then when you have managed to get the bed sock removal thing right you swap socks and turn down the tops.
The energy stored in the folds is transmitted to the other person and you don't get out either side of the bed but float gently to the ceiling.
If you remove the socks at this moment you fall gracelessly to the floor.
So, manoeuvre yourself to the door and pull yourself to the floor using the door frame and then take off the socks.
Explaining what you did to the people at work gives you a great buzz.

Explaining what I did to the people at work interests my wife only when I get a promotion. Other-wise its just boring office gossip. However explaining what I did to my wife is a buzz. It gets everyone talking!

Does that include swapping bed socks?