Amsterdam, The Netherlands Content from the guide to life, the universe and everything

Amsterdam, The Netherlands

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Deep in the heart of the Netherlands (Holland) is the capital city of Amsterdam. There are three things that Amsterdam has that no other city in the world has.

1. Legal1 Cannabis

A mildly narcotic plant, which when smoked produces a feeling of well-being or extreme paranoia. The conversation following the smoking of this plant can often be heard echoing from many a coffee shop door, and, as a result, Amsterdam is one of the only places in the world where you may hear such gems as:

  • 'Like, ants are really the rulers of this planet.'
  • 'No way, I could stand up, but I don't want to.'
  • 'Ahhhhhhhh, it's all gone white!'

2. Legal Prostitution

In Amsterdam it is possible and legal to buy sex. Obviously Amsterdam is not the only place where you can buy sex, but the difference in Amsterdam is that it's more of a shopping trip than a seedy affair in the dark. There are three types of prostitute from which to choose:

  • Those you would.
  • Those you wouldn't.
  • 'Wow, man this stuff is strong, I can see an elephant in a bra and panties...'

3. Policemen/women on In-line Skates

This is true.

Travel Advice

The best advice for anyone travelling to Amsterdam is this:

  • Pace youself.
  • Be wary of eating from a FEBO2.
  • The beers are small, but deadly.
  • Edam does not make a good present to take home.
  • Tourists, please don't wear shorts from February to April; you are the only people who do, and it makes you a target for muggers.
  • 50 guilders is really quite a bargain.
  • Do not give the buskers money, it only encourages them to breed.
  • Beware of the bicycles.
  • When crossing the road, look left, look right, then run like hell.
  • Never get in the way of a tram.
1Well, decriminalised, which is pretty much the same thing unless you're a dealer.2These have to be seen to be believed. A FEBO is a vending machine consisting of lots of glass-fronted panels that contain hot junk food.

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