by Michael Bywater, h2g2 Staff Columnist

How often do you - yes,
you; stop picking your nose and wondering whether you'd be happier with
a really, really expensive wristwatch, because (a) your head will cave in and
(b) you wouldn't be - read columns and think to yourself: "This columnist
is a schmuck"?

And you know why? Because
most of us are schmucks. I bet you think I'm a schmuck for even saying
that, don't you?

Yes, I think you are a schmuck.

Oh come on, it's not that bad, you could see someone about it.

Shut up, schmuck.

See? But I am determined to change my ways. A careful analysis of columns indicates
that they fall into two groups: the topical/political,
and the stupefyingly domestic.

But now, thanks to h2g2 technology, there is a third way. Would you like to
see it?

Yes please!