h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, we've all heard a million of them, so maybe they deserve their own separate entry. Oh, well, I'll just put some of the ones I've heard here.
Beat off.
Beat it.
Whack off.
Whack it.
Spank it.
Spank the [monkey, meat, dog, etc.]
Jerk off.
Jack off.
Flogg the dolphin.

Any other ones? Are these used in England, or do you have your own set of masturbation slang over there?

You forgot some others..

Bop the bologna
Choke the Chicken
Playing the flesh flute
Shaking hands with Mr. Lincoln
Using the self-service pump
Jerkin your Gherkin
Doing it with Rosy Palm and her five sisters
Master of your domain
test launch

Going home and playing with yer Meat Puppet

Don't forget Joe Handy and his five brothers!

And here is a place one can get themselves into a world of trouble with British/American mix ups.

I was sitting in a pub with a male friend one evening, and I used the word "freaking" (which incidently came out sounding like frigging, as it often does) instead of some other "f" word, thinking I was being more lady-like (or perhaps simply less vulgar). He starts laughing like a mad cow, then explains to me that the Brits use the word frigging to describe female masturbation. It's in the dictionary, but so help me I had never heard it... So much for being less vulgar

Speaking of female autoerotica
My favorite (or is it favourite!) term is:
-dialing-in-

May I respectfully submit some additional terms?

-Milk the lizard
-Climb into the cockpit and grasp the joystick
-Flog the little bishop
-Yank the plank
-Pull the pud
-Squeeze the cheese (best not to think about that one too much)

And, for the hetero act between two consenting adults:

Bumpin' uglies

Now I feel all soiled.

Did anyone mention:
Beat the Bishop
or
Playing the Skin Flute
?

Not bad. Tho I'm more a fan of the term "Stir the soup."

Some of these might be repeats, I don't feel like trudging through all the entries.

Unisex masturbation:
play with oneself
go solo

Male masturbation:
slap the salami

Female masturbation:
jill off (as opposed to jack off)

Oral sex, performed on a man:
go down on
blowjob
playing the skin flute
suck off
hoover

Oral sex, performed on a woman:
go down on
munch carpet/rug
clean the carpet/rug

Anal sex:
Taking the dirt road
Taking the back road
Popping the poop chute

How about 'tugging the tubesteak'?

My favourites would have to be:
Burping the Worm
Squeezing the Trouser Toothpaste
Wrestling the Bald Champion
I do apologize........

Don't forget the Presidential addition to our lexicond "getting a Lewinsky".

leo adds

five nuckle shuffle
rub one off
rub the chub

"Frigging" is not indigenous only to the UK, because I am an American, and I've heard this term since I was in grade school. And yes, it did mean female masturbation.

"Playing the skin flute" does not refer to male masturbation, it refers only to oral sex performed on a man.

One of the newest terms I've heard that has to do with oral sex is a "hummer." This is when a woman (or a dude, if you're so inclined) gives a dude a bj and hums a tune or something. It's rumored to enhance the experience with the vibrations, but Ive yet to be in a humorous enough mood suggest it.

Excellent!!
A whole forum on w**king!!
Super!!

How on earth did you get away with this??

Howzabout:

Spraying your dirty custard
Splashing the willy cream
Winding the one eyed man
Burping the bald bachelor
Shaking hand with Mr President

Speaking as an Englishman (and you can call me old fashioned) but I just prefer to have a W**K.
Thank you for your attention, please drive on.

P.S. Whilst visiting the delightful US of A somebody called me a 'Homeboy'. Were they insulting me or was I being propositioned?

"Homeboy" is sort of like "dude," in that it can have many uses. It can be a generic greeting, like "What's up, homeboy?" Or it can be more specific, to signify someone from your hometown ("Yeah, we're homeboys... I'm from Staten Island, and he's from Queens.") or a close friend ("I don't think you want to mess with my homeboy."). Shorter form of this word is more common: "homey."

So to answer your question... neither. Being called "homeboy" by someone you don't know is no different than "bro," "dude," or outside the Western Hemisphere, "mate." (In the Western Hemisphere, if someone called you a "mate," you'd just been propositioned. )

Most Enlightening. Many thanks.