h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Darn, you've gone and ruined my hopes, I read about it when I was like 12 ( in Nintendo Power in a strategy section for a video game ) and I've been waiting to try using it. I'm 16 now, waiting to turn 18 and then to go La Casino de Montreal. But now I have things to think about, I'll check out what the maximum and minimum bets are. As for the casino stopping you, what if I do my betting at different tables? I mean place a few bets at one table, move two tables over, play there for awhile... so on. I think I could still make it work, of course I'll put aside an amount of money I'm prepared to lose, and try my luck.

Your warning was very dire though, is there something else your not saying?

Moving from table to table is a sure-fire way of getting caught. All casinos are absolutely loaded with cameras, and suspicious behaviour such as that will only draw attention to you. Don't forget that all casinos in the UK keep photo ID of members and guests.

Basically, I'm just trying to get across the point that the people who run these establishments are as suspicious as hell, because there are so many people out there who (invariably wrongly) think they can make a profit out of them. The same applies to all forms of gambling - bookies, fruit machines, whatever.

B

Regarding being a suspicious b*****d, my job title is a Grade 4 Deputy Susicious B*****d. I work for a bookmaker (the one that starts with 'L') in and around the Portsmouth area. (This is when I'm not being the B*****d Operator from Hell (See footnote 2 on my homepage) in the other job)

There isn't a week when someone doesn't try something on. While we're not under any particular instructions to prevent people pulling a 'martingale', we do get the occasional 'clever' idiot who thinks that they can write out a bet that is so ambiguous that they can claim that their bet is a winner regardless of the result.

Try writing the number 2, and then put a short diagonal '/' through the '_' bit of the 2, and you have something that looks like it might be a 4, or so they think. We've seen it all before.

When quizzed, they usually say something like 'That's how I always write my (2,4,delete as appropriate)'. To which I reply 'I've voided that bet, informed security, and if you are still in my shop in thirty seconds, I'll have you arrested for attempted fraud'. The stupid ones don't leave. The really stupid ones stand there while I take a photo which could end up on every till in the country.

We also get people attempting to steal board prices. They try and rush you at the counter and say '7/1' when it's really 5/1 or in extreme cases 7/4. They somehow think that we won't notice. (Clue: The till system stores all price changes, and knows what price _EVERY_ horse was at the exact time the bet was placed). I usually resort to telling these people that I am withdrawing board prices from them (i.e. all their bets will be at starting prices).

That said, we also recognise genuine mistakes. We have certain customers who couldn't multiply their way out of a wet paper bag. (See A1148096 for details on the rules, which I have authority to bend up to certain (undisclosed) points)

I only bring this up because we have these roulette machines now. They do other things as well, but nobody seems to play those. The amount of money that people play on them is utterly ridiculous. We used to think that thirty quid was a good day's profit from the slot machines, but three thousand quid profit is a good day for the roulette machines. Bad days can be the opposite; sometimes we lose several thousand on a day. It can be done (I've been doing it to another local bookmaker quite regularly recently)).

My advice for those machines is not to play the machines the way some of our customers play them (chips spread everywhere), but concentrate on a small area and hit it hard, and when you do eventually hit it, collect the money and walk away). These machines allow a maximum stake on a single number (the ones I play, this is a fiver). It doesn't stop you from placing five on a number, up to four ten pound splits, and possibly corners too. One hit can gain nine hundred quid, but it may cost you that and more before you hit it. Remember, as usual, only bet with what you can afford to lose.

Egad! This has carried on way too long, perhaps I should have written an article instead. I wonder what the maximum length of a messag

Interesting stuff, though.

I've never seen the point of trying to screw bookies over. It's easier just to let them continue to think that they're cleverer than me.

B