h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

To me it is with apathy as it is with anything, really. A little apathy is very helpful in some situations. If I really cared about everything that was going on I think that I would drive myself insane - and start talking to large red leather sofas for comfort. But then again if I were to be apathetic all the time where exactly would that get me? Lying diagonally across my bed because I have been laying on it so long that there really is no other place that I haven't laid. *and this is actually getting quite uncomfortable as well.*
I suppose that in those moments when you realize that this really is your 3rd day in bed and you are starting to smell a little funny, you come up with the greatest ways to get you out of bed. Here 10 of my favorites for your reading pleasure.

***Disclaimer*** DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

(10). Call your mother. There is no one in the world better suited to get your 'lazy butt' out of bed.
**side note** Mothers are actually quite interesting to talk to if you are in the right mood but those kind of conversations usually lead to massive plate crashing fights - then they send you used Dr. Scholl’s jell insoles for your shoes in hopes to try to 'make it up to you' which just sends you into a nice little pit of apathy - so, in retrospect, once your mother has gotten you OUT of bed hang up on her, immediately, and don't talk to her for a week. It's better that way. I promise.

(9). Let a Seagull in to your 8th story apartment - this is sure to lead you to HOURS of nothing but FUN and lots of loud screaming that tend to get the neighbors out of bed too (the problem is, though that your next door neighbor drives a bus at night and is a very big and mean man - who is trying to sleep... **side note** After extricating the darn bird, finally from your closet and out your window (after 3 and 1/2 hours I MIGHT add) it is best to go to the local pub and have something stiff to drink.
-Which leads me to my next point-

(8). Drink... a lot. That helps. Really, it does?? WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME??????

(7). Have your roommates douse you in Ice Cold Water and then let their three screaming kids play 'let's jump really really hard on whatever that is under the covers'. That gets you in the mood for exercise too. There is nothing better then having been bruised and battered by your roommates then to go for a nice long RUN!!! (If that ever happens to you it is better to keep running after you start. Don't worry - you won't miss your stuff THAT much and it is a much better alternative to going back there - and having to start all over again keeps you busy for QUITE a while)

(6). Fall in Love. Ahhhhhhh Love. And for a while - you definitely have something to keep you in bed for all the RIGHT reasons. **side note** of course there is always the inevitable break up - and that usually leads to more apathy, so try to be in love for as long as you possibly can and when that break up happens let a seagull into their apartment - just for the hell of it. It's funny.

(5). Go on Vacation. More importantly go somewhere WARM where you can work on your sunburn, at the beach with, something resembling a Mai Tai in your hand. **side note** the only side note here is that sometimes imagination helps if you don't have the money to go do this. Just go to your local park, strip down to your skivvies and tell everyone today this is BoraBora and that they are ruining your vacation by all their talking. Getting kicked out is fun too.....

(4). Go for a drive with some good music. **it is usually helpful, though, if you have a car. Sometimes walking with some good music is also useful, but definitely not as fast.

(3). Call your obnoxious party going friends and tell them you need a night on the town. **side note** this especially works if you are a "fruit fly" like I am and you have a really wonderful gay couple that adores "making you pretty".

(2). Call the IRS and ask them to audit you. Or have a really great enemy who would be willing to do it for you. There is nothing better to get you out of bed then for someone to try to take your money. hmmmmm. ***Submitted by Kendra. Poor Kendra***

(1). Go insane. I know, I know. Trite, right? but no - really. There is nothing more freeing to go insane - and whey you are truly insane then you don't really care if you are apathetic or not. And they give you some GREAT drugs if you are insane. Sometimes free housing and wrist and ankle jewelry, too!!!! There are some GREAT programs for the insane. And good God - it is fun. for a while. till your mother starts to wonder where you are and calls your friends and then sends THEM jell insoles to say "sorry for subjecting you to the trauma of ME". Silly me, I thought you said things like that with FLOWERS!! but - yah, anyway then your friends get pissed that your mother is sending them obnoxious things and come and try to talk some sense into you because if you don't go back to being sane, well - someone is going to end up killing that old broad. That and they miss you at parties. You had a GREAT sense of humor.

PS..... Another great way to get rid of apathy is to Join a nudist colony - haven't tried that one yet - but I am trying!!!

Bones~

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Thank you, dahling - all true... *grins*

*evil grin* 1,2,8,10