h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

At BBC 2 , December 10th in 2007, mankind is being fascinated by snooker, so for a change I zapped this evening to One and in a moment of self-destruction I kept my eyes in the direction of the screen.

Colours; as sweet as one can create.

Images, that are sticky by leftover sugar and dishwater.

Smiles; as big as one can fabricate

Music; sweet as Bing Crosby could sing, or worse. After five seconds I admitted myself to confirm that I was indeed listening to a song about white things, and things like dreams and an organized happening in December, yes, christmas. Yes, it must be about christmas.
What is christmas?
Well, I don’t think I can be of any great help, cause by nature I always look the other way when I see green and red and lights on top of trees, and automobiles, while suddenly the whole world is in search for the lonely and poor to force them to smile as big as the female cook does in her BBC program.

It’s also about a man, dressed like a red gnome, who comes all the way from the North with his reindeer and sits on something like a sledge and he drinks lot’s of Cola, but at christmas he wants to sell it as if it was the last water on the globe.
He seems to be friendly, but that’s the outside.
He’s a very friendly dictator, for from now one, there are only three colours in the world; white, green and red. White is meant to stimulate our fantasies and green to go for the dollar buck as never before and red for the law of the jungle.
From now on, there are only smiling peoples and those who cannot fake any longer are sent into holidays abroad to tropical Islands and lots of their own coke 
From now on, there is no moonlight, but only electric light, everywhere and nowhere, in the free world as in prisons, in Florida as in Moscow.


Why doesn’t she stop smiling!?
Who?
The woman in that cooking program.

Well, the woman I was looking at, has a name which the BBC assumes all of mankind already knows it for many inspiring years. It’s something like “Nygilla Leawson” . No, it’s Nigella Lawson. Here, it’s in the paper.
I thought that I was looking at old fashioned irony of the seventees, or at a beginning of a vicious thriller, like a sweet and shiny housewife who suddenly gets a visit by a serial killer, dressed like an escort man with a mysterious look in his eyes.


So I have been looking at a famous cooking program, proudly announced : Quote;
“Already an international star, in 2006 Nigella collaborated with the Food Network in the USA and launched the television series Nigella Feasts. Her 2006 BBC Christmas special showed her at her inspiring best. Her new series, Nigella Express, is currently airing on primetime BBC Two.
Nigella was voted author of the year at the 2001 British Book Awards. Her books have sold nearly 3 million copies worldwide.” End quote



Yes, dear friend, I do surrender, I give in, but my very last words will be; she smiles like a machinegun. Extremely inspiring, I must say, because I have never written about a food program that long.



Alfredo, Amsterdam, december 2007