Tom Green Chronicles Mark II

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Hi. Here’s a link to the Tom Green Information Page. Use it at your own discretion and/or folly.


Jade: ...What do you want?


Stomper: A little more caution from you. That is no trinket you carry.


Jade: I'm not carrying anything.


Stomper: Indeed... *douses candles* I can avoid being seen if I wish, but to disappear

entirely... *hood comes off* that is a rare gift.


Jade: Firefly? What the smiley - bleep are you doing here?


Firefly: Are you frightened?


Jade: Yes.


Firefly: Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you.


Jade: Why are you talking all archaically?


Firefly: Because it's in the script. *puts a finger to his lips* Shh.


*noises are heard behind the door, the door bursts open and Firefly unsheathes sword*


Seraphine: Let her go! Or I'll have you, Longshanks.


Firefly: *sighs, sheaths sword* You have a stout heart. But that will not save you.


Segue: Hey, isn't that that guy you're dating?


Jade: Seems like it...


Firefly: You can't wait for James any longer, Jade. They're coming.


Link: *reaches for Firefly's sword* Oooh, shine get…


Firefly: Oi, back off the merchandise..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Officer Jenny is still in her little shack by the gate. She is aroused by a noise and gets up to investigate, only to be run down by three riders on really big and angry looking Ponyta(s)*




Jenny: *flattened out on the ground* Ow…


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Riders run in, shine ge—I mean, swords drawn*


Yoda: *hobbles out from behind the counter on his staff* Go further, you will not.


Rider1: THIS SHOULD PROVE INTERESTING…


Rider2: Would you have a look at that. A little green man with an ickle stick thinks he's going to stop us.


Rider3: *indicates her sword* He makes a valid point. I really don't think you'd want us to have to run you in or anything...


Yoda: *tosses staff aside, reaches under his robe, takes out his tiny Lightsaber, ignites it* Out of my Inn, you will get.


Rider2: Oi there, 'ee's got one of those newfangled shiny sword thingies...


Rider1:INDEED HE DOES. PERHAPS YOU HAD BETTER BACK UP A BIT…

*shoulders scythe, backs off a few paces*


Rider3: You do know it's futile to try to talk him out of this sort of thing...


Rider1: WELL YES, BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE A GO AT THE VERY LEAST.



Rider2: *walks up to Yoda* So we want to have a little fight then, do we? We want to have a bit of a rage?


Rider3: I just don't get it... I mean, it isn't even as if he's, well... me, or anything.


Rider1: I KNOW, WAR. BUT YOU KNOW HOW CRANKY HE GETS WHEN HE'S
HUNGRY.



War: I told him to eat something before we left. He never listens to me.


Death: HE HASN'T HAD HIS MEDICINE EITHER.


War: Well doesn't that just figure...


Famine: Bring it on, green boy...


Yoda: *rushes forward, launches himself into the air and chops Famine's sword into three shining pieces with fall off and melt on the floor*


Famine: Well dun that just beat all?


Yoda: *jumps up again, artfully slices Famine’s right arm off*


Famine: That all you got?


Yoda: *raises an eyebrow* Defeated you, I have. On the floor, you arm is. Stop, you should.


Famine: It's only a flesh wound… Come on!


Yoda: *hacks off Famine's left leg* Okay, stop now, we should.


Famine: Awww, come on... bring it! *hopping madly on his one leg*


Yoda: *jumps up and slices off Famine's left arm*


Famine: Whee! I'm still in! Bring it, lime sherbet dude!


Yoda: Insane, you are. *flicks his wrists ever so slightly and hacks off Famine's left leg, goes to walk away*


Famine: Oi, where are you going? We're not done yet!


Yoda: Do what to me, will you? To death, will you beat me, with your torso? *picks up his staff with the Force and walks away*


Famine: What's his problem…?


Death: METHINKS THE JEDI MASTER BE ANGERED BY THE IDIOCY OF OUR
COMPANION.



War: *snickers*


Famine: I really wish you wouldn't speak in riddles...


Death: I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THAT SORT OF THING WAS IN
MY JOB DESCRIPTION.



War: Did you just say 'that' twice?


Death: IT WOULD SEEM SO.


War: Did you know that every time you do something like that it underlines it in red in the word document?


Death: I WAS NOT PREVIOUSLY AWARE OF THAT.


War: Well now you are. Don't do it again.


Death: *if he had them, I would assume that he would be raising an eyebrow right about now*

ERM… RIGHT THEN.


War: *grins smugly*


Famine: You know, I seem to be sitting in a lot of blood right now.


War: Imagine that…


Death: OH RIGHT... I HAD ALMOST FORGOTTEN. *he takes a long scythe off his shoulder and brings it in a downward sweep toward Famine's neck*


Famine: Oh bloody smiley - bleep ...


Death: SORRY OLD CHAP. NO HARD FEELINGS, RIGHT?


Famine: *as a ghost* Well that's the end of world hunger then, I suppose?


War: It would seem that way.


Famine: *still a ghost* Well smiley - bleep.

Death: INDEED. BE THAT AS IT MAY, YOU REALLY OUGHT TO BE GOING NOW.



Famine: *smiley - ghost* Yes well… *sighs* I suppose you're right. *disappears with a slight popping noise*


War: I always rather thought I'd be the one to go down fighting.


Death: NO, IF YOU WOULD HAVE FOUGHT WITH THAT GREEN GUY, YOU MOST
LIKELY WOULD HAVE WON. OR AT LEAST REALLY TIRED HIM OUT.



War: Aw, you're such a charmer.


Death: THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE TELL ME…


War: Shall we get back to business then?


Death: I SUPPOSE SO.


*exeunt*


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



~Fin~


Chapter fourteen coming next week! Look forward to it!
(Whoosh.)

Tom Green Chronicles Mark II
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