h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Aw, such sad news! Terry Pratchett is definitely one of my favourite authors, only a few days ago I finished reading 'The Truth' ... I'm sure I've read most of the Discworld novels by now, and enjoyed every one. R.I.P. Sir Terry.

By the way, tributes will appear in the 23 March issue of .

Anything anybody wants to contribute, just send it to us in the gmail.

Ah yes. That sounds good, tributes in The Post

Considering I've only become a fan overnight, I haven't much to say for my misspent thirty years when I hadn't read any of the Discworld books.

Teehee. I had two book tokens saved from Christmas, so I just came back from town with Mort, Soul Music and Thief of Time, which are the ones I really want to read.

Problem is, the book tokens are half his, ooops, he keeps saying he's on the lookout for a new book about cards or football. What a deep lad he is. Ah well, erm, I'll say I've spent all our money on Terry Pratchett books, no point lying. Or crying. What a deep girl I am.

What about Small Gods? I think I want to read that one as well.





It was good to be back in my writing group yesterday. I'm secretly in love with wordy things.

I told the folks about our debates here to do with the craftsmanship aspects of writing, and they liked that because they do that.

We agreed that everyone crafts in their own way, depends on what you what the outcome to be.

One could craft a bobbly wobbly giant amoeba shaped sculpture from clay and mud, with shells and crowfeathers stuck in it, and call it Bobbly Wobbly Amoebic Thought Form (The Mud Part Might Melt In The Rain).

Just don't expect anyone to buy it, or even steal it, for a patio ornament. Or for any other reason, come to think of it.

Ah, but a beautifully crafted story, now that's another matter.

I just made up the bit about the amoebic sculpture.

Because I'm in a really stupid mood.

What I really wanted to say was that thanks to you folks here on hootoo I am increasingly celebrating the interactive, playful nature of Things. Things? Yes, like, creative pastimes.

For example, in the group yesterday, I offered my story which read

At 2.36pm, on the 26th October, 1997, Mrs. Marcia Lucinda Applethorpe decided that she would become an actress.

And .... ?? (said the people)



Well, I don't really know. (said I). Perhaps, over time, you could tell me many things.

So then we had a real laugh, they're going to try to figure bits of it for me. What does Mrs Applethorpe look like? And, erm, what happens in the story. Does anything happen in the story?

It's a very funny way to write. Of course, if the outcome is really good, they'll go all pro on me, and want all the credit. Fair enough.

If anyone here has any ideas on Mrs Marcia Lucinda Applethorpe...

.. (who is a fictional character of my own design, so if anyone reading this is really called this, erm, don't be offended, it's not about you. Unless you're an actress then please write to me)...

...I will offer you my soul. Or my book tokens. Oh no, wait, I've spent them.

So what is Marcia like? Tall and beautiful, with expressive hands and a liking for flowing dresses? Or short and fat and given to tripping over furniture?

Why does she want to be an actress? Has it always been a dream of hers and, because she's in a boring job which she hates, she's finally decided to make an effort to act? Or has she just seen a great version of, say 'Wuthering Heights', and fancied herself as Cathy?

Where does she live? If she lives in a flat near the middle of London (or New York, for that matter) and rubs shoulders with acting people, it will be easier for her than if she lives in rural Scotland, or North Dakota.

If she's unhappily married, perhaps she meets a dashing leading man and embarks on tempestuous love affair. Or perhaps she starts off with a starry eyed notion of what acting is like and ends up selling ice cream in the foyer or painting scenery for an amateur dramatic group.

I have done the latter, by the way.

The new issue of is up.

mvp, you are my guru. I officially follow you.

I wish you lived in Exeter, I'd lure you to my writing group. They'd love you so much.



Now, this is exactly what I need, in my quest to discover Marcia. There are so many possibilities!

Erm .. OK. I need to channel some more clues. Random fragments from the subconscious murk. At least we might get her appearance.



Of course, I think you know her. I've never met her. This is complicated, and yet strangely interesting.




You sold ice cream in the foyer?

Or you painted scenery for the Amateur Dramatic Group?

Or both. Or you had a tempestuous love affair with a leading man? heheh.



Ice cream. Ice cream. What?? Cinema cafe. Marcia buys a tub of ice cream. She's in an arts cinema, alone. They're showing the vintage cult films. A black and white film. Yes! She's at a matinee, 2.36 pm. Watching Brief Encounter.

Celia Johnson and Trevor Howard, and she wants to be an actress, to play Laura, the part that Celia Johnson plays. She might even look like Celia Johnson.

Or not. This could all be a sub story, brought about by you mentioning ice cream.

Have you seen Brief Encounter? If you have, then all this will make sense. . We have it on DVD. And in the film, Laura goes to the cinema alone in the afternoon.

By the way, I meant to ask you folks, is it true that scifi and fantasy fiction isn't sometimes seen as Real Literature? Especially if it sells really well.

How come? Not fair, if it is true. Perhaps it isn't true. What is Real Literature?

Well you see, there's genre literature - like thrillers, or detective stories, or romance, or science fiction. The stuff that ordinary people like reading, that tells an exciting story.

And there's literary fiction, which is challenging. Now some of that is well written and tells a good story. I liked Hilary Mantel's 'Wolf Hall'and 'Bring up the Bodies'. But some of it doesn't have much of a plot and some of it is such a struggle to read, I don't think it's worth the effort. I tried to read 'A Girl is a Half Formed Thing' by Eimear McBride, which has won various prizes. I got as far as the first chapter, which is written in fragments which make it hard to work out what's going on, and gave up. I'm not clever enough for some literary fiction.

I don't think it's a clear-cut as all that.

Christopher Priest's work is mostly science fiction - but, boy, is some of it literary.

And Vonnegut's, too. Me, I prefer a mixture of the two - good ideas, and good writing...

I seeeee. Interesting aspects. Thanks!

I was just reading articles online to do with Terry Pratchett, and best selling literature, and got into reading debates about what kind of writing wins the major literary prizes, all that kind of thing.



I've got a great book of comics by Tom Gauld, called They're All Just Jealous Of My Jetpack. A lot of them are gentle send ups of the Real Literature vs Science Fiction debate.

Not everyone's kind of thing, but I love them.

If you put Tom Gauld They're All Just Jealous of my Jetpack into Google images, you'll see them.

And ...

Damn. Run out of time.

Sorry, it's You're All Just Jealous of my Jetpack. Not They're.

What??

Not you. You're not remotely jealous of my jetpack.

That's the title of the book of comics. I typed it wrong.

I would be very jealous if you had a jet pack

heheh. Same. I'm greenly envious of your jetpack. .

And I'm going to stomp around going wah till I can have a jetpack also.

I love the green envy smiley.

Very potent emotions aren't they, envy and jealousy. Slightly different, methinks? Envy isn't quite the same as jealousy? A different shade of green perhaps. Or more like an all over green, rather than just the eyes.

Green with envy.

Jealousy, the green eyed monster.

Did Shakespeare invent the green eyed monster? Or was the beeeste already in existence when he penned Othello?



Why green?

When I have been envious or jealous, heaven help me, I hate these states, they make me ill, but I don't go green, I go really pale and ghostly.

The ill smiley is green also.

In primary school I was really envious and jealous of all the clever kids who won the prizes. . I never ever won prizes. Not ever.

It was so weird. A few days before the prize giving we would all have to troop into this classroom where the prizes were laid out. I remember seeing this amazing little model boat with a real sail, and I felt so envious of the kid who would win it.

So I went all pale and ill and cried for at least three days non stop. I also refused to go into the prize giving, and sat on the stairs with matron.

In fact it was OK that the kid won the boat. I wasn't ever horrible to the clever kids, because I was a polite girl. Jealousy didn't turn me into a green eyed monster. I think there are different levels.

I just wanted a boat also, to sail on the pond, even non clever kids like boats.

My parents were so great though, they never pushed the clever kid thing, or made me feel bad for being me. In fact, they encouraged me to be in my own world. Probably because my older brother is autistic and he is very different mentally, so they were dealing with different realities from the start.



I often see things like Oscar ceremonies as being like that school prize giving. Would I be envious if a friend of mine won an Oscar? Hope not.

I'd like the attention of the speech, though. I'd envy the speech. I'd love to write an acceptance speech and thank everyone who had helped me along the way. Truly I would.

There's a confession.

I have friends who have made it as professional artists, I'm not envious of them at all, because I love them. Plus they've all worked really really hard, from rags to not exactly riches but enough to eat.

I know who I am these days, happy in my skin. Which isn't green.

Happy skin, happy person, no jealousy.

At least I hope my skin isn't green? (checks)

Wow, what an great story! Thanks for telling that.

I think I know what you mean about prizes. We didn't have very many things like that. In fact, when I was in junior high and high school, the only prizes they gave out were mostly for athletics. Those of us who did brain-stuff were used to being ignored. Although I won books a couple of times...nobody would envy that, though...

But you reminded me of something...

Back when I was in what you call primary school, the Parent-Teacher Association sponsored a poetry contest once. We kids didn't think much about it - the teachers all gave us an assignment to write a poem. My mom helped my sister with hers, and I nattered on about the stars coming out at night.

Mine came in second.

I was SO glad. You see, the little girl who wrote the winning poem was very shy. She hardly spoke to people, except me and another friend. So when they read both our poems aloud at the meeting, and let the parents vote, I had my fingers crossed that hers would win. And it did! Hers was better, anyway.

That's why I'm opposed to making a contest out of everything. Everybody should get a chance to let their light shine. And have a boat to sail...

Awww that's so adorable. You were genuinely wanting your little friend to win, because you knew it was her time to let her light shine.

That's so inspiring I might cry. I've gone all mushy now.

Do you still have your poem about the stars coming out at night? I bet it was lovely.

Do you still have the books you won?

That's it, isn't it. Everyone has their own light, and lights must shine!

Perhaps a lot of jealousy and envy comes from when people have had their inner light dimmed or smashed, so damned if they want anyone else's to shine. That's really sad.

I've gone even further mushier.



Soooo..

Apart from getting stuck into the first of my Terry Pratchett books (Soul Music, amazing)...

...and trying to work out why Mrs Marcia Lucinda Applethorpe is in black and white, (how do you write in black and white filmic effect?) ..

.. looks like Celia Johnson from Brief Encounter, but perhaps she is a ghost or shapeshifter ... I must get back to mvp on these matters..



I'm now studying xenolinguistics.

Communicating the Unspeakable. Linguistic Phenomena in the Psychedelic Sphere.

I'm not doing psychedelics though. Who needs external stimulants to channel xenolinguistics? eh?? We all do it around here on hootoo all the time.

Please send info on xenolinguistics. Like, what is it?

OK I have to go eat some gluten free Clive's aloo gobi veggie pie.

I'll tell you about Clive's pies. We've been living on them for years. The husband even wrote a song about them.

Laters. Have to go eat one.

Bon appetit!

mmmm delicious.

I wonder if mvp or Peanut have seen Clive's pies? They distribute to Brighton, and I bet you can find them in Glastonbury. They're everywhere here in Exeter.

waaah I wish I could send a Clive's pie to the snowy terrains, home of Dmitri and Elektra, in the USA. Is it still snowing there by the way?

Is this advertising? This isn't advertising I hope, just an enthusiastic posting about vegetarian pies.



So Clive had just started making his pies in the early 80s, when we first went to live in Totnes, in South Devon. They became the staple diet for many a wandering vegetarian.

One of the listed ingredients on the packet is ... Love.



Demand grew. We all need that love. heheh. .

Clive retired, but the business has been taken over, still an indie business on Dartmoor, now they make 'em gluten free. They make other products also. A true success story.

Anyway, the husband made up a song about Clive's Pies. He used to sing it around in the neighbourhood. Clive loved it.



Living on Clive's pies, living on Clive's pies
They ain't got no additives, they ain't got no dyes
He makes them aloo gobi, he makes them cheese and veg
When it comes to pie technology, Clive has the leading edge.





OK I'm going now.