h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Tav

I'm sub editor for Warhammer 40k - The Imperium of Man.

The new one is here A87822318 - don't forget to subscribe

I ran this through spell checking and added a few commas and then I was poorly, so apologies for the delay.

Just a few thoughts:

>>They are our descendants in a dark and hopeless future and players can choose between a number of their forces to build their army and fight the hostile forces of the galaxy.<<

I'm trying to think of another word to use instead of 'forces' in this sentence, to replace one of them, but i don't think it really matters.

>>Warp Drive was invented and psychic powers were more and more explored.<<

and psychic powers began to be explored further.

>>The highly psychic Navigators came into being, the only people who could guide a ship safely through the dimension of Warp space<<

...being and were the only people...

>>But the Dark Age of Technology ended in anarchy and destructions and daemonic influences from the Warp, it was a war against the inventions that mankind itself created.<<

The Dark Age of Technology ended in anarchy. With daemonic influences from the Warp, it became a war of destruction against the very inventions mankind itself had created.

>>continued to explore the Warp and makes new inventions <<

...and create new...

>>he had already secretly lived on Terra for millennia and was created as a leader. <<

he was created as a leader and had lived secertly on Terra for millennia.

>>the solar system of Terra<<

Terra's solar system

>> The Emperor freed the solar system of Terra from alien forces and reintegrated the Adeptus Mechanicus, which made Warp travel possible again and led to the rediscovering of many worlds which were inhabited by humans.<<

I think is better as two sentences.

...Adeptus Mechanicus. This made Warp travel possible again and lead to the rediscovery of many human inhabited worlds.

>>The Emperor was almost killed by Horus but could overcome him in the last minute.<<

...Horus, but managed to overcome...


>>Since then the Emperor is kept alive by a stasis field on his Golden Throne on Terra.<<

The Emperor has since been kept alive by...


The Imperial Guard

>>One standard unit of the Imperial Guard not only contains usual soldiers like in any other army, but is built up also of commanders<<


...regular soldiers like any other army, but is also built up of ...

>>There is everything from 'standard' soldiers to Russians with fur hats or even Nazis with gas masks, although some options can get rather expensive.<<

In addition to 'standard' soldiers there are Russians....

The Space Marines

>>When the Emperor conquered Terra he made use of genetically improved warriors for the first time.<<

genetically enhanced

>>The most popular and certainly most famous Chapter, and even army, of the whole game are certainly the Ultramarines, the purest of all Space Marines, wearing dark blue armour with golden details and an upside down omega symbol<<

Again, I'd spilt this into two sentences

...Ultramarines. The purest off all Space Marines, they wear dark blue...

>>The Space Marines are probably the army which is most easy to play, with a simple layout and tactics<<

The Space Marines are probably the easiest army to play as they have a simple...


>>but one army has only very few soldiers compared to other armies, so they can be overrun by masses. <<

but as one army has fewer soldiers, it can be overrun by larger armies.

>>which gets them faster into the battle.<<

which get them quickly into battle.

>>did not have as many small details as other models and were all in all slightly clunky.<<

did not have as much detail as...

>>Same goes for their tanks and other vehicles: they all seemed a bit less<<

Simiarly, their tanks and other vehicles seemed...

The Inquisition

>>The Sororitas are very much resembling Joan of Arc in spirit and their design<<

.. Sororitas very much resemble Joan..



..Some other manufacturers try to fill this gap - many with rather doubtful results.<<


Other manufacturers have tried to fill this gap with some rather dubious results.



Let me know what you think

Mags

hi Mags and thanks

I don't manage to read this today because I'm too sleepy. I also still have to read through the first Entry again.

I'll try to get back to you about this tomorrow.

One thing:
For some reason GW had the glorious idea to rename the Imperial Guard to 'Astra Militarum'. They probably do this for copyright reasons, but I very much dislike that new name and many others seem to feel the same. (they also get a few really awful new models)
So... I don't like the name and so I think I want to keep them in the Entry as 'Imperial Guard', but maybe a footnote should be added?

I think we will footnote that, Tav.

When you get chance to look it over tell me what like it to say and I'll sort it.

I agree with all the changes you mentioned in your first post.

I think for a footnote it's enough to say something like:
'In the 6th Edition Codex released in 2014 the Imperial Guard has been renamed to 'Astra Militarum'.'

Changes made and footnote added.

Let me know if I've missed anything.

Mags

thanks, I'll read through it soon

intro, 3rd paragraph:
'but real understanding has been replaced by rites and they believe in a spirit of the machine.'
I had written 'the' believe in my original Entry.

Space Marines 3rd paragraph:
'The most popular and certainly most famous Chapter, and even army, of the whole game are certainly the Ultramarines. The purest of all Space Marines, wearing dark blue armour with golden details and an upside down omega symbol.'
For my understanding of language this doesn't work at all. I know you thought my sentence was too long, but like that it doesn't make sense.
Are you really sure there should be a comma between 'army' and 'of'? For me 'army of the whole game' belongs together, I'd probably make a comma after 'game' in German. But comma rules in English are a mystery to me. Also 'the purest of all Space Marines' is an addition to 'the Ultramarines', so it has to be in the same sentence. If you want you can make a full stop *after* that and say 'They wear dark blue armour with golden details and an upside down omega symbol.'

I wonder if 'Imperial Eagle' should have a capital E.

I can't find any other problems.

Ah, that would be 'the belief in a spirit...' I'll change that it was the 'believe' that threw me.

The Ultramaines does need to be one sentence, I don't know what I was thinking there although I do think that the commas need to be there to distinguish Chapter (ie Ultamarines) from (any other type of) army.