h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...Doesn't often come into chants, but when it does it can be be hilarious. I once heard a crowd of Wimbledon fans on a train singing the admirably frank words: "We're not going down and we're not going up/We won't win the league and we won't win the cup". I have also stood in amongst a crowd of Derby County fans who proclaimed their allegiance to "The Rams" by baa-ing like sheep!
During this current, miserable season at Bradford, desperation has led to some nice dry humour. At one point we took to singing "We'll score again, don't know where, don't know when...".
At recent home games we chanted "Down with the Bradford, you're going down with the Bradford" at fellow strugglers! But the most surreal chant I heard all season came from a bunch of guys walking to Valley Parade for our last home game of the season: "Big potential, big potential FC/We've by far the biggest potential/The world has ever seen".

Sheffield United fans have been chanting, "You're going down with Wednesday, down with the Wednesday. You're going down with the Wednesday..." all season long.

Sadly the piggies finished 17th and aren't going anywhere

I may have mentioned this before on another thread somewhere, but I remember when Wrexham took the lead aginst Manchester United in the FA Cup a few years back and we all started singing
"Are you Chester in disguise?"

I still have a photograph of the Old Trafford scoreboard with the legend
MANCHESTER UNITED ...0
Wrexham .............1

If we ever get the ability again to post our own photographs on this site. You just HAVE to post that photo

Not one I've personally heard, but one of my friends claimed to have been at a game where they sang:

"We're Sh~t, but you're worse than us"

It's good to keep a sense of perspective!

Welcome back to the cheap seats Ormondroyd

Hey, the prospect of comparatively cheap seats is one of the consolations of relegation! I might be able to afford to see a few more away games next season! I'm not altogether sure how what the facilities are like at all First Division grounds right now, but I'm hoping that I might even get to watch City from a TERRACE again!

Well for the most part I can only advise from a Southern perspective.

Portsmouth - nasty, nasty burgers and you'll get rained upon.
Gillingham - nasty natives and you'll still get rained upon.
Watford - Really rather sweet. Wonder at the cattle shed they have as their family stand.
Wimbledon/Palace - Comfy wooden seats and friendly staff at the snack bar. Palace fans out number Dons by about 3 to 1.
QPR & Fulham - Well you don't need to know now (QPR was better)
Hillsborough - Wonder at the vast, vast expanse of empty blue seats ()
Bramall Lane - You will be made very welcome by the Blades whilst we stuff you at the fortress. (Don't be too upset you'll win your home leg )

Tell me, is it still £20+ to get in (even in Div 1) at Selhurst Park?

It was £20 the first year Palace went down, then it dropped to £15.
I think Wimbledon was £18.

Gillingham is the cheapest at £13, but the natives really are nasty.

I have some friends who live in Gillingham. If I can afford the trip, hopefully I won't be alone! I didn't have any trouble when I went there last season for a Gills-Bradford FA Cup tie. (3-1 to them! )
Sadly, we will have some unfriendly natives to deal with next season, now that Birmingham have failed in the play-offs. Their fans have to go down as the most consistently hostile and unsavoury I've encountered over the years. We also have Millwall to look forward to - but, despite their reputation, I must say that I personally have never been troubled in several visits to The Den (old and new models).

BTW, I just remembered another of this season's best Bradford chants, coined when we played at home to RKC Waalwijk of Holland in the Inter-Toto Cup: "Did you bring us any drugs?"

Interesting comment about never seeing trouble at Millwall. You obviously didn't go there as a West Ham fan. The last time we played them (1991) four thousand people were caught up in the disturbances.

Interestingly, I once had a dead budgerigar thrown at me by an Everton fan as I wandered around a scuffle at Upton Park. It remains one of the most surreal things that has ever happened to me.