Mud And The British Grand Prix - A Survivors View
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
This year the British Grand Prix was held over the 22nd and 23rd of April which just happened to coincide with Easter weekend and the heaviest rain in Northampton since Biblical times...Luckily Noah had the foresight to build a boat whereas the British Racing Drivers Association and the Silverstone management didn't even have to foresight to build a carpark. However, in hindsight it didn't really matter as flood barriers would probably have been a better precaution.
Possibly motorsport journalists were being a little harsh when they described the whole thing as being akin to World War Two trenches. Maybe the F1 supporters were over reacting when they described it as "an absolute shambles". Quite possibly. But then again when you've paid a minimum of £175 for the 3 days and get to be classed as one of the lucky ones if you were one of the possible 50,000 people who got turned away and told to stay at home as it was too muddy, maybe they're right.
Don't get me wrong however, I had a wonderful weekend and Silverstone, the drivers and the race once more impressed me and I can not wait to go back again next year. But when you consider that I was one of just 25,000 fans who got to wade through the mud 'paths' to find yet more muddy banking in order to watch the qualifier, and that was only because I spent the weekend sleeping in a tent which gradually sunk deeper and deeper into the swamp, lets hope that before next year something is done to improve the "Home Of British Motor Sport".
Anyway I thought that seen as how I spent the entire weekend in several foot deep mud and coldness I ought to at least share the experience with other people in order to justify the farce that was the year 2000 British Grand Prix. Anyway, for those of you who don't want to fall asleep just yet may I suggest that you leave this for later as it will probably be very handy as a sleeping aid :-)
Anyway in order to keep this short (ha!) I shall avoid the use of many unnecessary words where ever possible so I may make even less sense than normal but bear with me and it will all flow as smoothly as mud round a race track...
Friday
1pm - Arrive at the campsite having avoided all traffic jams due to my supreme navigational skills and drive straight into an hour and a half queue to be towed onto the campsite as it has become too waterlogged to drive onto, thus rendering all of my previous achievements useless. Feel very optimistic about the prospects of setting up two tents and living there for a weekend.2.30pm - I read the Whittlebury Park info leaflet and find interesting comments which do less than inspire confidence:
"Keep all vehicle movement to the absolute minimum.
Never try to drive up hill,
-You will get stuck
-You will make a mess of the ground and your vehicle
-It could take a long time to get assistance (mainly because everyone is already stuck)
Farm Campsites strict one-way system
-You must continue in a large circle in the direction you entered the campsites...vehicles trying to exit the wrong way will be charged £20 for assistance when they get stuck (note when not if)
(and the most interesting bit) It was nonsensical to put a Grand Prix at Silverstone in April, the event should be moved back to the summer"
2.40pm - Find that it then gave the address of Bernie Ecclestone so that you could write and complain when you did get stuck and you were going the wrong way.
2.45pm - My father decides that it can't be that bad and attempts to drive on it anyway.
2.46pm - Car sinks.
2.47pm - As my dad knows cars he decides more power is clearly the answer and decides that by putting his foot to the floor he can drive us out.
2.48pm - He can't, we sink more so I go and find a very attractive bloke on a quad who rescues the car after first rescuing me who stood too long in the same spot and sunk.
3.15pm - We find a small hill type object and pitch our tents after much swearing from my father and laughter from me as the gale force winds inflate the tents and blow them away...into the mud. My tent survives and is a four man tent so I fill it with hot water bottles, air mattresses, duvets, pillows etc. My dads tent is less successful and is a one man tent and so is filled with half a sleeping bag and eight gallons of mud.
3.40pm - Turn the radio on for some light entertainment and watch huge screens of the circuit whilst my father attempts to assemble his tent into something less laughable.
3.45pm - I start giggling hysterically when the image of Coulthards McLaren sinking in mud is seen.
3.46pm - Coulthard tries to drive back on to the circuit and gets stuck.
3.47pm - The car won't get into neutral so Coulthard attempts to push it out. Coulthard declares loudly that he pays for his boots whereas McLaren pay for his socks so he takes his boots off and wades through the mud in his socks.
3.48pm - The rescue vehicle arrives and attempts to tow Coulthard out.
3.49pm - The rescue vehicle gets stuck.
3.50pm - The tractor arrives to remove the rescue vehicle, Coulthard, Coulthards car and the stuck marshal's (and Coulthards boots which are sinking in the mud).
3.51pm - The session is stopped.
3.52pm - It rains.
5pm - It still rains.
7pm - Still raining but I attempt to find my friends from the Irvine fan club who I'd arranged to meet at certain campsite plots.
7.05pm - Realise that as all the campsite plots have been washed away my search is fairly fruitless so I give up.
9pm - Hails.
11pm -Gales.
11.30pm - Raining again.
Midnight - Attempt to get to sleep in sub zero temperatures and find that a blanket of mud is less than useful for insulation.
1am - Give up and wander round in mud outside in the direction of fireworks and music until I sink and have to be rescued by the blokes in the tent next to us after they hear my low and cold moans.
1.30am - Crawl through mud to bed which by now is also made of mud and so once more I sink.
Saturday
6am - The word cold does not do Saturday morning justice, I'd say freezing but even that would be an understatement. I sit shivering and making dragon breath, too cold to move to get dressed, too cold to stay in a sleeping bag. Once more I sit and moan however, this is soon drowned out by the large roar of thunder and the sound of torrential rain.7am - The temperature drops even more and I am too cold to stay still any longer and so run like a (wet) hooligan to the shower block. It's muddy, I sink, the path has sunk, my tent has sunk, the car has sunk, the whole of Northampton seems to have sunk but yet I still persist in getting ready to stand in the cold all day watching the cars of people I don't know just so that I can see two hours of F1.
8.15am - I stand and laugh hysterically (along with about 30 other people who I later found out were the people I was supposed to have met the day before) as a corporate guest woman slowly teeters around the edge of mud bath wearing ridiculously high Gucci high heels and Prada coat having been dropped off in her limousine at the edge of the circuit because the car parks are all shut due to mud drifts the same size of me. After 15 mins of watching her fail miserably to even look vaguely useful some bloke goes to her rescue and helps her across the mud. The rest of us stifle our giggles and tramp through the middle having had the sense to have worn boots.
8.30am - I go over the top at Becketts and grin as I see the first F1 car of Frentzen drive past, my grin slowly disappears as I realise I am rapidly sliding back down the bank at Becketts towards yet more mud.
9am to 12am - It rains! Surprise, Surprise.
2.20pm - Mad crush as I shove my way to the front of a large crowd in order to see what's happening. After hearing loud shouts of "Come on you Jenson" and teenage girls screaming "Jenson we love you", the small cogs in my brain begin to whirr and when Jenson appears grinning in front of me I realise what's happening.
2.22pm - Get excessively excited as Jenson appears in front of me to sign autographs, realise my respect for him is slowly growing
2.25pm - Realise much to my embarrassment that BMW Williams photographers have caught me on camera as part of Jenson Mania. Feel very ashamed at the prospect of my excitement having been recorded for posterity so slope away quietly but only after Jenson has left - well I say slope it was more like fight, kick and punch my way out... I also say quietly it was more kind of screaming loudly.
2.30pm - Torrential downpour. Pit lane fills with water, river forms on the outside of the circuit. Bernie Ecclestone falls in a puddle. F3000 race is stopped as it's too wet to see. I and millions of others hide in the handily placed BAR stand in order to shelter from the rain. After much battling with umbrellas we realise the stand is slowly being covered in water, the ground has taken on flash flood proportions and all million of us climb to the top of the BAR steps.
2.40pm - Rain eventually subsides and despite a foot of water covering the whole of the ground some fool decides to go and eat his lunch at a picnic table which is currently floating down the pit straight. We all fall off the BAR stand as said fool attempts to move. Feeling in a rather generous mood having now redubbed the BAR stand the BAR ark I decide that I will be forced to spend my parents money on a very attractive BAR shirt. Aaaah, the trials of having forgotten your wallet
3.00pm - Settle down to watch F3000 race and half way though, it rains! Cars skid off and crunch in front of us yet the fools carry on driving at ridiculous speeds round very tight bends. Realise it makes my driving lessons look safe.
5.00pm - It rains again but I'm too busy worshipping the ground that Richard Burns is currently driving on to notice, admittedly driving fairly poorly but still, he tried!
6pm - It rains. We decide to swim back to the campsite. Squelch through large pits of mud and then finally sink when we arrive at the edge of the car park which has no cars in it as it's shut but does have a few ducks which could have been a good hint for things to come.
7pm- Settle down to do some revision as my A-levels started in a fortnight so it seems a good plan.
7.10pm - Get distracted by blokes in the next tent attempting to remove a brand new Jaguar from large amounts of mud. It doesn't work.
7.20pm - Start revising again.
7.25pm - Get distracted once more by bloke showing off in his four wheel drive that he won't sink in the mud as he has too much power.
7.27pm - Bloke with four wheel drive gets stuck in mud. Blokes mates attempt to push him out. Blokes mates fall flat on their faces in the mud. I laugh. The people next to us laugh. The people in the car don't.
7.40pm - Blokes mate has returned with bigger four wheel drive. Attempts to pull him out using tow rope. Tow rope breaks. Bigger four wheel drive stuck in mud.
7.45pm - Blokes mates mate returns with stronger tow rope and attaches it to the bumper of the original stuck car. Sweepstake is made as to how long the bumper will last before falling off.
7.50pm - Blokes finally manage to unstick both cars and drive off to a round of applause and cheers.
8pm - Settle down to do some revision.
8.05pm - Blokes next to us go to the bar.I decide that the bar could be a good place to study psychology due to 'crowd behaviours'. Can always do revision afterwards.
Midnight- Realise flaw in revision plan as it's dark and I can't see. Instead attempt the ten mile trek through mud to the shower block.
12.10am - Realise I'm going in the wrong direction and set off back again. Torch is declared useless and instead head off in direction of noise.
1am - Return back to tent, zip myself in. Realise I've left the car unlocked. Unzip tent, go to car. Trip over 'glow in the dark, untrippable over' guy rope, fall in mud. Contemplate changing clothes decide it doesn't matter as everything is covered in mud anyway and it may just keep me warm.
1.30am - Hear huge bang, decide the gas canister which I was in charge of turning off has exploded and I'm about to go up in flames. Crawl outside. Prevent myself from screaming "Fire!" just in time as I realise that a) everything is so wet there's no way it can be flammable and b) people are looking at pretty fireworks and this may give me some clue as to the origin of the banging.
2am -Go to sleep feeling very foolish, muddy and cold. Decide that as there was a red sky it'll be beautiful sunshine in the morning as it's finally stopped raining.
Sunday
5.30am - I have frost bite in my fingers and can no longer move them to let myself out of the tent. It is very cold and even more muddy than I had ever thought possible. There is ice in my water bottle and whilst I attempt to make breakfast I realise it is colder outside than in the cool bag.5.40am - Open the tent see nothing. Realise the nothing is not me having died of cold it is in fact fog.
6.45am - Leave the tent, can't see, tread in the first mud of the day (obviously that's not including the mud in the tent)
7.30am - Have mud fight with two blokes in the next tent. Still foggy. Hit my father with large wad of mud. My father is less than amused.
7.35am - Clear up mud and pack up tent and belongings into large muddy pile in large muddy car in large muddy field.
8am - Open Easter egg. Munch Easter egg. Is a Kinder Surprise Easter egg, get very excited and assemble toy. Luckily it's a psychic egg and I get a large boat which will come in very handy for sailing off the campsite and on to the circuit.
8.26am - "Practice delayed due to extreme weather conditions"
8.34am - "Practice still delayed due to fog"
8.36am - "Practice still delayed"
8.49am - "Practice delayed due to fog. Ron Dennis stuck in traffic"
9am - I give up, wander off in search of the paddock. Find the BAR motor home. Get very excited. Find some of the BAR crew having a cigarette outside the back of the motor home whilst stood in a large puddle. Laugh at the 'slickness' of the multi million pound sport.
9.05am - See Richard Burns going in the direction of the toilet.
9.08am - See Richard Burns returning from the direction of the toilet and run, hurling myself in front of him, compose myself and politely ask for his autograph.
9.10am - Stand chatting before wishing Richard Burns good luck in the race and also in the rally championship.
9.15am - Having recovered from the shock of meeting my hero, I follow Burns' muddy footprints back to his garage where photos are taken of Richard Burns and car, Richard's car, Richards car closer, Richards seat, Richards tyre very close - obsessive moi?
10.15am - Free practice finally starts and nothing much happens apart from a hare running across the track missing Michael Schumacher by, well, a hares breath. Strangely it was the same hare I saw at the same bit of track as last year. Consider phoning Carol Vorderman so she can put it on "It's a Mystery" but then decide against it and munch some more Easter egg instead.
11am - Porsche race starts, get very excited on lap 1 when Richard Burns overtakes many people.
11.02am - Richard Burns race ends. His car is flipped twice, rolls and crashes into the barrier. I feel glad that I didn't have the opportunity to wish Jacques Villeneuve good luck too.
11.30 -12.00pm - Sit in mud
12.30pm - Make the horrific discovery that the only veggie food on the inside of the track is chips and there's at least 50 other people who've had the same idea. Munch hungrily on a rich tea biscuit and consider attempting to beg marshal man to let me over the bridge even though the cars are on the circuit, as it's a national emergency. Decide it may not work so munch more Easter Egg and sit back in mud.
12.45pm - V amusing vicar comes on screen to give Easter Day service to the assembled masses (or should that be messes). Start to feel somewhat disillusioned as she talks about Easter celebrations being very much like the celebration of "pretty cars zooming round ". Still it had the right effect and people begin to cheer up and smiles of entertainment, rather than irony due to large volumes of mud, can be seen.
1pm - Yeah race! Feel very afraid as a strange heat like sensation comes over me, suddenly feel quite warm and everything seems brighter. Bloke next to me reveals the phenomenon to be something they call sun and the heat is actually because the temperature has risen above freezing. Again consider writing to Carol Vorderman.
3.30pm - All racing is over and I reach my lowest point yet and cave in to my desire to buy a Michael Schumacher teddy bear with removable helmet. The shame!
3.58pm - Realise that I have sunburn.
4pm - Starts snowing.
4.05pm - Run through piles of mud and car park (well it was a road but who could tell the difference?) in an attempt to avoid getting wet having finally dried out for the first time in days.
4.15pm - Reach car, realise my car keys are in the bag my father is holding several miles away in the rain and sleet. Feel very regretful as to wasted energy of running which could have been used for removing some mud or pushing the car out of the mud where it had become stuck.
4.20pm - My father finally arrives and attempts to start car engine. Nothing happens.
4.25pm - Small squeal of pain is emitted from the car engine. I mention that perhaps the spark plugs have gone. Bloke next to us attempts to fix the car and tells me to remain quiet so he can hear the engine as it's the same as his car and he knows what he's doing where as I have no knowledge of car engines.
4.40pm - Bloke next to us finally concedes that the spark plugs have gone and having prepared to assemble my face into an 'I told you so face' I realise that this is perhaps not a good idea and so look impressed with his knowledge of engines.
4.50pm - Find some nicer blokes to fix the car and push us out of the mud where we have stuck and sunk about a foot since we arrived.
5pm - Wave bye bye to Silver(or muddy brown)stone (or mud) and David Coulthard who is standing on someone's front step waving back. Admittedly it could have been a cardboard cut out but the windscreen was so covered in mud it was hard to tell. Look round the destroyed and muddy car and contents and decide that now is perhaps not a good time to say "aaah well at least we had fun!", contemplate asking my father if he wants to come back next year, decide against it as we drive into a traffic jam and rain storm. Manage to find some more Easter egg and everything is right with the world again, my dad smiles and admits he enjoyed himself, I smile and declare that I can't wait for next year...
