h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just figured out why I could never get Inform source codes to compile correctly! I always got library files from the same place, and they were corrupted everytime! Ha ha ha.

Now then, I'm going to go wreak massive violence, mischief and mayhem on the owners of a certain website. Later!

Herrrmmm...

I'm sorry, but Mayhem is an official label, and you now owe us about $16,000 in royalty and licensing fees, according to the bylaws of our publisher: Mayhem, Inc.

Have a nice day!

Sorry to *YOU*, NYC, as Mayhem is owned by you, NYC, and you are an employee of STUMPED, and if you'll read the STUMPED contract, then STUMPED has first dibs on all your copyrights and trademarks. Due to the licensing agreement between CLI and STUMPED which allows STUMPED to continue to purchase CLI technologies despite their frequent attacks on us, we are allowed access to various trademarks and copyrights. You now owe us $700 for causing us to waste an hour (well, more like 30 seconds that rounded up to an hour) with our expensive lawyers.

And since CLI has your STUMPED number on record, we'll just take it out of your account directly.

Thank you, and please remember to visit CLI for all of your further future needs.

CLI-Where explosions build character!

Yes, but you were not acting on behalf of CLI when you have wrought Mayhem on your victims. Futhermore, while NYC may be founder of Mayhem, Inc., Mayhem is not a subsidiary of STUMPED but instead its own legal entity and publicly traded firm. Just because we also have a contract with STUMPED - written by NYC himself - doesn't mean we ARE STUMPED. As such, you're still held by our fees, plus a $1200 consulting fee to have this all explained to you. If you do not comply, we will be forced to call a collection agency - billed to you - for the amount.

Mayhem, Inc. - Because you know you want to.

"Have" wrought? Oh, so I've already done the wroughtting on them now, have I? Sorry, but you need to check with your lawyers again. I'm not exactly in a part of the Galaxy where you can be arrested for crimes that you've not committed. Even with the most ridiculous interpretations of things such as the Patriot Act and other terrifying laws, I'm still well in the clear from anything like a conspiracy charge.

And for the record, I neither requested consulting, nor was the information 100% correct. You can't just give me an undercooked pizza and then expect me to give you payment and tip if I didn't order it, that's your fault for being careless with your wares.

Furthermore, this harrassing over your legal concerns has already interrupted my busy schedule of treasure hunting and science. I believe that I've already missed the alignment of two particular stars down the street that would've opened up the chamber of an alien communication device. Don't make me miss something else in this matter, or I'll sue you for the estimated worth of the treasure trove.

Thanks to the bylaws of our publisher, you invoke our royalty fees merely by publicly stating your intention to wreak Mayhem, but as you have not actually wrought it yet, we feel obliged to take off $250 of the fees. However, if you ever do, in fact, wreak Mayhem, those $250 will come back. You can try and sue us, but villainy brings with it some very, very good lawyers.

You know nothing of good lawyers. The government currently pays CLI for the chemicals we dropped off at Butterfly Bay. We know how to get good lawyers.

And besides, while I'm not a supervillain now, I *was* in the past. Never forget that.

Yeah, too bad ya still ain't. To bad I'm already fighting you, or I'd challenge you to another fight.

You don't just "forget" how to get good lawyers after being a supervillain. It's like riding a bike.

And no reason that we can't have another fight right here and now. Good, friendly sparring matches (and bloody, titanic battles) have long and rich histories on hootoo.